Sad morning

**Hamtastic** · 10-07-2011, 01:49 AM

Yesterday someone very presumptiously said some things to me, without knowing me almost at all for the degree of frankness they used. It wasn't anything terrible, but they were harsh things about me making excuses for what they saw as my failures. This person works with my OH, so I was just thanking them politely for their "words of wisdom", while disbelieving how someone could be so scathing to someone they'd just met before dinner. The person though they were being helpful, I think.. . Of course my OH said nothing at all, and we didn't discuss it. I thought it was the worst way they could "encourage" someone to continue to grad school, while simtaneously making me feel like I really failed in life, since I hadn't accomplished it yet.

Now it's morning, and fuming about it further won't do any good. But seriously, how could some people be so callous. I feel like they were projecting themselves on me and judging

Trying to feel better now so I can stop sulking and go out to do more touristy stuff.

**LocoRocoPanda** · 10-07-2011, 01:54 AM

I dunno why you didn't talk to your OH about it. It clearly upset you and you should tell him that. It's what I'd do. Alright truth be told if someone upset me by making me feel like I'd failed in life I'd have given them a piece of my mind there and then. However I realise not everyone is as bold/disrespectful as me. XD

You can't sit and let it fester and make YOU feel bad. Talk to your OH. Don't let other people who are so callous get you down though. They aren't worth it. Ever.

**Hamtastic** · 10-07-2011, 02:13 AM

My OH doesn't discuss his problems with me. I think it's a point of pride for him to be very stable and deal with his troubles on his own. His family is sort of like that too. So me bringing this up now won't be helpful--I'll just hear about how I took it too seriously, and maybe there was some truth in all that. They work together, and I'm just letting it go for now, since it shouldn't be his problem with some colleague he's on good terms with. Sigh.

**LocoRocoPanda** · 10-07-2011, 02:26 AM

But surely a relationship is about being able to talk about your problems and what upsets you, I always witter on to Mr Panda about my problems. Even if it's with someone he knows or works with.

It doesn't matter, it still upset you.

**Hamtastic** · 10-07-2011, 02:35 AM

Thank you, I might do that. I'm almost equally upset that he didn't say anything to defend me or make me feel better, but that's his personality. He cares by actions, not soppy conversations =/

**LocoRocoPanda** · 10-07-2011, 02:47 AM

So does Mr Panda but even I manage to sit him down and have long soppy conversations at times. XD He usually listens when he sees it's something that's genuinely upset me.

princessbarbie1988 · 10-07-2011, 04:24 AM

I know how you feel Hamtastic... My OH doesnt talk about feelings either. I think it's just a man thing you know?

I agree with LRP that you need to talk about things though as if you keep your feelings bottles up they will build and build and then cause an argument thats a lot bigger than it needs to be (can you tell this has happened to me before) However, if you feel uncomfortable or think it would be awkward to talk about it, maybe it's worth talking to someone else. Actually saying the words to someone will make you feel better.

Hope you ae able to sort it out and get things off your chest. Feel better soon xx

**Roxie** · 10-07-2011, 04:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hamtastic

Thank you, I might do that. I'm almost equally upset that he didn't say anything to defend me or make me feel better, but that's his personality. He cares by actions, not soppy conversations =/

If you're feeling like this then you must speak to your OH, otherwise it will fester and that's no good for either of you. It's best to be open and explain why your upset, then in the future when something like that happens, he may do the decent thing and stick up for you

.

But seriously, don't let that person make you feel awful. Rise above it and let it go over your head. Peoples opinions are unimportant and I know it's difficult but don't let it affect you, especially if it's someone you don't know well. I use to take peoples opinions on me very seriously and it would affect me badly, now I don't, and believe me, I'm a lot happier for it!

Like LRP, I would've probably would've kicked off at this person, but I do understand not everyone is like that

But yeah, don't feel like a failure. I know I only know you on HC but nothing about you screams failure to me

**Hamtastic** · 10-07-2011, 06:16 AM

Thanks guys, I just came back from a nice long walk, bringing back a fresh French baguette, and I feel better already.

Gamina · 10-07-2011, 07:24 AM

Is there someone you need us to go beat up :P

I echo what others have already said, despite the manly "we don't talk about feelings.." thing I would sit your OH down and explain what has upset you and how his reaction to it didn't help either.