Heartbroken doesn't even cover my feelings right now.
This lunchtime I had to have my beautiful brave little girl pts and I just want her back so much. I'm hoping writing a lovely memorial will help me to remember the good times.
You were a surprise hammie, that was how I always saw you. I'd wanted a hamster for so long and on the way home from work 29/07/12, my mum told me she'd forgotten to get my mouse supplies and would have to take me to get them. When we got to P@H we ended up looking at the hammies like always and she pointed you out to me. The minute I saw you I fell in love. She asked a member of staff if I could hold you and whilst they went to get the keys I had a bit of a rant about how unfair it would be to hold you and then put you back in the tank and walk away but she said nothing.
The member of staff didn't like you very much, said she was scared of hamsters and so it was left to me to get you out. As I held you in my arms my mum asked me if I wanted you. It turned out she and my dad had discussed it, decided I could have a hammie and, whilst looking for new dog leads, had seen you and fallen in love with you.
I'd always planned on having a short-haired, Male Sable and here you were, the complete opposite but perfect in every way. We chose the name Fudge because it suited your colour.
You broke all the rules from the start, you didn't want a settling in period, you wanted cuddles from the minute I put you in your cage and, from that day, grew the most amazing and powerful bond I have had with an animal. You always changed my family's views on hammies, every single person in this house loved you and adored you but none more than me.
You used to terrify me with your antics, jumping out of my hands when I wasn't expecting it. I used to say you were a lazy hammie, so much so that the two times I accidentally left your cage open, you were completely oblivious because you were asleep.
You used to come out during the day if you knew I was upset, you'd sit by the cage door and wait for me to get you out, let me cry into your fur and then, when I'd calmed down, you'd cheer me up with your funny little ways, the way you'd waddle across the bed and sniff everything. You could always brighten my day.
I remember our first train trip down to Poole, I packed your carrier full of bedding to keep you warm but you were having none of it, you wanted to be on top seeing what was going on. Every single time I took you with me you got a little fan club, people telling me how cute you were, one lady even asked me if she could take a picture of you. It was impossible for people not to love you.
You were always a healthy hammie, in fact your first vet trip was my fault because I startled you and you hurt yourself. You were so good though, the vet adored you and you took your medicine and healed up so well.
You were always so happy, I remember when I finally had enough money to get you an Alexander Cage. You loved it, you spent ages exploring your new space, it was worth every penny but I'd have spent any amount of money to make you happy.
The last time we went down to Poole, I took you for a nail trim at the vets there where I also mentioned you'd been drinking more and had been on heat longer than you should. Whilst you were under for your trim, the vet gave you a thorough examination and diagnosed pyometra. I had a choice, I could either treat you with antibiotics to keep you comfortable or I could have you spayed and completely eliminate the risk of it returning. Naturally I chose the spay, I wanted to give you the best possible chance. When I dropped you off on the morning of the op, I'd never been so scared. You got through it though, like everything else you took it in your stride, a true little fighter.
The vet said that when removing your womb she had found growths. We didn't know if they were cysts or cancerous but the spay had sorted it.
After that I thought you'd be with me for a long time to come, I was going to show you at the Kingswinford Show, you were so beautiful and friendly you'd have won something, I know it.
You'd started sleeping more but I put it down to you aging but at the weekend, I got you out and your breathing was so fast, rocking your entire body, you were gulping every so often and just sitting on me not wanting to explore.
I got you to the vet on Monday where he said it was highly likely to be kidney failure or infection. We got you antibiotics and brought you home, I thought you'd get better, you always got better. It wasn't to be, you stopped eating, only nibbling less than half a selective science pellet over the last 3 days and started to lose weight, you didn't get up anymore apart from to pee and for me to give you meds. I knew in my heart it was time to help you and you let me know you were ready.
It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make but I know it was the right one in my heart. You're free now and no longer in pain and I know you'll always be with me.
I'll never ever forget you my precious little one, I'll never forget you comforting me, making me laugh and keeping me company on the nights where I left my coursework til the last minute.
You'll forever hold a big piece of my heart baby and not a day will go by where I don't love and miss you with every single part of me.
Play well at the bridge Fudgey <3
I just want to end this with one of my favourite pictures of her and a video I made to remember her by.
In loving memory of my baby, Fudge - YouTube
Farewell Fudgey, Play Well at the Bridge.
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