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Old 07-26-2020, 10:32 PM   #1
Presley524
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Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Maine
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Default Impossible Situation. Advice?

So, a little bit ago I posted about how my friend wasn’t taking very good care of her hamster and now it’s gotten worse. She’s moving in with her boyfriend soon and can’t take Dipper (her robo) and she mentioned giving him to me, but then said she didn’t want me to have too many hamsters since I already have two. I told her I would make room for him, but now she’s decided She’s going to leave him at her parents house and once a week go check on him. (Her parents won’t care for him since they didn’t want her getting Dipper in the first place). I’m trying to convince her that even though he doesn’t really like humans and prefers to be alone she still can’t leave him for a week. To her, it’s just a small pet and nothing more and calls me a crazy hamster lady (maybe I am), but I feel like it’s still a life that deserves better. I’m really not sure what to do here. At first I thought she was just uninformed and truly didn’t know better, but now I’m pretty sure it’s just plain neglect at this point. I talked to my mom about it and she thinks I’m crazy considering possibly ruining a very long friendship over a hamster, but I feel it’s necessary. I’m at a loss about what to do. I’m thinking about being blunt with her about how it’s wrong but in a nicer way. I obviously don’t want to ruin our friendship, but I don’t know. I don’t even mind if she doesn’t want to give him to me, but I really feel like it would be better to rehome him and am not sure what to say.

Sorry if this post is a mess. I just wanted to talk it over so any advice would truly be appreciated. It’s a really bad situation that’s stressing me out. I’m not a very confrontational person so I’m at a loss.
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Old 07-26-2020, 11:05 PM   #2
Ria P
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Default Re: Impossible Situation. Advice?

Could you get her to take Dipper to a rescue? That way he would at least be looked after and will have a chance to get rehomed.
In fact, you could offer to take him in and then advertise him for rehoming or take him to a rescue yourself. Explain to her that you don't intend to keep him but foster him until he can move on. You could also inform her parents that you offered to give him a home until a permanent one can be found.

I am not going to comment on your friend or your friendship.
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Old 07-27-2020, 02:31 AM   #3
cypher
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Default Re: Impossible Situation. Advice?

It is a very difficult situation, just wondering if you are able to talk to your friends parents & get them on side & maybe they could help to persuade your friend to do the right thing.
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Old 07-27-2020, 02:40 AM   #4
Pebbles82
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Default Re: Impossible Situation. Advice?

Reading all this it sounds like she wants to keep him herself rather than let him belong to anyone else. So she may be feeling a bit possessive about him. And to her, if he stays with her parents then he is still hers and in her home and she can still own him and see him when she wants. So it could actually spoil the friendship if you did have him if she is reluctant to give up ownership and could cause some jealousy and resentment.

It is difficult but it’s her hamster and her parents may look after him well. And enjoy his antics. Robos are often happy to be watch don’t handle pets. And it least he’d remain in the same house.

I agree that it is better if he has regular interaction and the love of an owner. And he may pine a bit when she moves out if he is used to her. So maybe suggest that to her - say Dipper may pine for her if she’s not there so maybe adjust the change gradually and familiarise him with her parents - ie taking it in turns to feed him for a while and her teaching then what he likes.

It’s not ideal I know. But I can see why she might feel reluctant to think he would bond with a new owner - especially a friend - hence possible jealousy. However that is a bit selfish and not thinking about the hamster‘a needs - but sometimes people’s feelings get in the way.

I don’t understand why she can’t just take Dipper with her and share him with her bf.

So when you see her I would say - Dipper is yours. I would love to have him but he is your hamster. But I think he will pine for you if you leave him there. I’d suggest you try and make space to take him with you.
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Old 07-27-2020, 02:51 PM   #5
wookie130
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Default Re: Impossible Situation. Advice?

Would it be weird if you offered to buy him from her? That's just an option - I have no idea if it's actually a good one.

If she won't give him to you, and wants the hamster at her parents, I'd probably just stay out of it, and allow it to happen. Maybe they'll quickly tire of him, and revisit the idea of you taking him themselves with your friend.
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Old 07-27-2020, 03:48 PM   #6
Ria P
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Default Re: Impossible Situation. Advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by wookie130 View Post
Would it be weird if you offered to buy him from her?
I've been thinking along similar lines as another option. To offer to keep him temporarily, advertise and rehome him to a good home on your friend's behalf because she must be so busy with the move and give the money the hamster sells for to your friend. That way she is still in control and owns the hamster until sold.

The way i see it is that the main issue here is the welfare of the hamster and the concern that he is neglected while with the friend and won't be looked after at her parents because they didn't want the friend to have a hamster in the first place.

I don't think that i could walk away from a situation like that whithout trying every move possible to ensure that the hamster is being properly cared for.
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Old 07-27-2020, 06:24 PM   #7
Presley524
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Default Re: Impossible Situation. Advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ria P View Post
I've been thinking along similar lines as another option. To offer to keep him temporarily, advertise and rehome him to a good home on your friend's behalf because she must be so busy with the move and give the money the hamster sells for to your friend. That way she is still in control and owns the hamster until sold.

The way i see it is that the main issue here is the welfare of the hamster and the concern that he is neglected while with the friend and won't be looked after at her parents because they didn't want the friend to have a hamster in the first place.

I don't think that i could walk away from a situation like that whithout trying every move possible to ensure that the hamster is being properly cared for.
That’s where I’m at right now. I know it’s not my place to tell her how to care for her hamster, but I don’t want to just walk away knowing he’s being neglected. I’m going to talk to her tomorrow about taking him temporarily while she moves.
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Old 07-27-2020, 06:32 PM   #8
Presley524
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Default Re: Impossible Situation. Advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Serendipity7000 View Post
Reading all this it sounds like she wants to keep him herself rather than let him belong to anyone else. So she may be feeling a bit possessive about him. And to her, if he stays with her parents then he is still hers and in her home and she can still own him and see him when she wants. So it could actually spoil the friendship if you did have him if she is reluctant to give up ownership and could cause some jealousy and resentment.

It is difficult but it’s her hamster and her parents may look after him well. And enjoy his antics. Robos are often happy to be watch don’t handle pets. And it least he’d remain in the same house.

I agree that it is better if he has regular interaction and the love of an owner. And he may pine a bit when she moves out if he is used to her. So maybe suggest that to her - say Dipper may pine for her if she’s not there so maybe adjust the change gradually and familiarise him with her parents - ie taking it in turns to feed him for a while and her teaching then what he likes.

It’s not ideal I know. But I can see why she might feel reluctant to think he would bond with a new owner - especially a friend - hence possible jealousy. However that is a bit selfish and not thinking about the hamster‘a needs - but sometimes people’s feelings get in the way.

I don’t understand why she can’t just take Dipper with her and share him with her bf.

So when you see her I would say - Dipper is yours. I would love to have him but he is your hamster. But I think he will pine for you if you leave him there. I’d suggest you try and make space to take him with you.
I’ll mention that to her about him possibly missing hearing her in the room knowing she was there. I asked why she didn’t take him with her, but didn’t get an answer. Personally, I think she doesn’t really want him anymore, but doesn’t want to be the type of person to just get rid of an animal when it doesn’t reach her expectations if that makes sense.
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Old 07-28-2020, 03:00 AM   #9
Pebbles82
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Default Re: Impossible Situation. Advice?

It is a big change in your lives when your friend is leaving home and moving in with a boyfriend and that in itself may change your relationship with her - so it is a situation to tread carefully with. Sometimes people take suggestions as criticism that they are doing something wrong. If your friend didn’t answer it may be because she doesn’t want to discuss it - in which case it may be better to just leave things for now. I also find it strange that she doesn’t just take the hamster with her. It may be her boyfriend doesn’t want that or her parents are having some input as well.

I know when a boyfriend and I rented a house together a long time ago and started living together - his hamster came too and there was no question of not bringing the hamster - he would not dream of letting him go. I didn’t mind and got very attached to the hamster.

It could be a space issue - in which case your friend might be finding it all quite hard - choosing between her boyfriend and her hamster - and her parents may have come up with this solution. I can quite see your concern for the hamster if he is just babysat basically without much interaction. He would probably do ok as long as his basic needs were met. But ideally he’d have a loving owner who had time for him and if he was adopted by one it might be fairer in him.

It must also be quite a big thing for you. It sounds like you and your friend had hamsters in common and that is changing now she is moving in with her boyfriend. It can be a heady time and her priorities and loyalties may have changed also. It shouldn’t be like that as important to keep up friendships as well but if they are very into each other right now it can happen.

I am not sure there is much you can do other than leave it a few days, send her a “good luck in your new home” card. I think she isn’t ready to let go of the hamster but may changed her mind later.
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