[cypher]

Thank you so very much for all your kind words & support everyone, it really does help & means a lot.

I think it’s a deeper, gentler kind of grief with these older hams, knowing they lived their lives to the full & that t was just their time & not having all the what if’s & maybes that so often come with the loss of a younger ham makes it a little easier but I do miss him so terribly much, I’ve been trying to remember what it was like before he was here & just can’t right now.
So many routine things to miss especially as he was old & frail, all those little extras that I tried to do for him are gone leaving me feel quite at a loss.
I keep wanting to go check on him & then it just hits me all over again.
It’s very sad but even with the sadness I do keep thinking how lucky I’ve been to have had him in my life for such a long time & that’s a comfort.
I always like to go & sit by the memorial garden when one of them has recently gone which isn’t really an option now the rain is back but yesterdays sunshine feels as though it was a special gift for my boy in a typically wet Welsh winter!
Zylvan & Míri have both been a great comfort, Zylvan was up & about early yesterday & kept running to the door whenever he heard me as if to say “It’s OK Mum, I’m hear for you” bless him. It does seem very strange that only a little over two months ago I was still calling him my baby, the youngest of 3 & now he’s the oldest of 2 & really an older gentleham himself!
I know things will get easier although I’ll never stop missing my little star, I’ll feel better & get my sense of closure once his memorial arrives & I can make his place in the garden special for him.