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It is very hard Gemma, I think losing your first ham is always especially hard somehow but as Lizzy said you need to give yourself time to grieve right now.
We never replace a ham that's gone to the bridge, they always stay with us & live on in our hearts but our hearts just get bigger & we find more love for another, different ham when the time is right, it doesn't mean we love the ones that went before any less.
Take comfort in Pixie now & don't think so much about whether you can do this again or not just now, if the time is right for you to get another ham you will know, it is sad that they live such short lives & I've often felt I can't do it again too but in the end I always feel that the time we have with them is so special & the rewards so great it's always been worth it for me.