Hello and welcome aboard
I'm so sorry to hear about your ham- and that you've been so badly shaken by it
Never feel ridiculous at all, losing anyone (human or animal!) is extremely saddening, and can be upsetting for years. Num Num sounds like he was an amazing ham, and he looks so sweet in those pics. Don't let the fear of death stop you from loving a life. I was so upset over my dog's death that I felt I'd never want another dog again. However, I finally decided to adopt one, and I regret not having her sooner. She's really helped me grieve, and it's nice to have an energetic puppy around after a tired 17 yo dog roaming the house. You may have the same feeling if you adopt another ham. Of course, only if you feel comfortable with it, but if you like the idea, why not go for it? I hope things start looking up for you soon, stay strong XX
This place was
incredibly helpful with my grieving- check it out along with all the other links you've been given if you get the time
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/Grief...pport_Home.htm