[BorisPasha]

Although I haven't been on for a few days I just wanted to let you all know that we have read all your messages from afar at least once and I'm sorry I haven't been able to log in and thank you all until now. The support you have all shown has meant so much to us and we have been touched by the kindness you have shown.

It's been hard and I still can't believe he's gone although I have at least managed to not start crying everytime I think about him. Sometimes the tears just catch me unaware like when I go to say night night to the rest of the boys and the space where his cage used to be takes me by surprise or when I see his little special bowl. We haven't been able to clean out his cage yet either. It is sitting in the dining room for now but it's hard to walk in and see it as it just reminds me all over again. I'm glad I have the other 4 boys to keep me busy though I feel guilty if one of them does something funny and I laugh. Artie has taken to making little whimpering sounds in his sleep which he hasn't really done since Max became his neighbour, so I guess they must sense that something is different. Perhaps my tough little Artie isn't as tough as he makes out. Even Jaska has been out the last couple of nights before we went to bed.

He is going to be cremated, there is too many cats here so we didn't feel comfortable burying him. It was a communal one - we were too upset and shocked when we were at the vets to think clearly but the next day it was just weighing on us. Luckily we were able to change it to a single cremation so we will get his ashes back and be able to find a memorial for him when we can face it so that has made us feel a bit better.

Even just writing this is making me teary but it feels cathartic to be able to put it down in writing rather than bottling it up.

Anyway thank you all again so much, you've no idea how much your support has meant to us and thank you for letting me ramble on again xx