[AprilPearl]

I have quite honestly been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love for Mushu and support and comfort for me that I have received here. I cried most of today, but your messages have prevented me completely going to pieces. When I created this thread, I wholly expected to be taken to account for his death by you all - not because I think you are horrible people, but because I was so convinced that is what I deserved. I couldn't ask for a nicer group of friends to help me through this, and I sincerely hope that I haven't seemed to be attention grabbing.

Many of you have suggested some sort of memorial. Part of me likes that idea, but then there's this other half of me which is saying "No! If you memorialise him you will make it true that he's really gone!". But, I think a nice flowering shrub or tree would be a beautiful emblem of his vitality. We have buried him now, which I thought would give me closure but it was so hard to believe that little body was him because it just... Wasn't. So, it still doesn't feel as though he's gone.

As Serendipity has said, the next hamster I get will be from a breeder. I cant help but think that whatever happened to Mushu could have been a result of poor breeding, and I do not want to contribute to a business which leads other hamsters to die in such a horrific way.

This is going to sound horrible. And I hate myself for even thinking it. I feel as though I am betraying Mushu's memory by admitting that, well, I might want another hamster. I know he/she could never replace Mushu and I wouldn't want that anyway. I've always waited months - or even years, between pets previously, but Mushu died so young. I feel as though I have "unfinished business" that I didn't get to see through with him. And, I think that having somebody to care for and love would help me to get through this. I don't want to go into specifics but I was ill for a long time and I still am living with complications from that. Mushu helped me see a light in the darkness but now he is gone and things seem even darker than before I got him. I needed him.

The SHC is having a show on the 17th of June and there will be hamsters for sale there. I am seriously considering going along, just for a look and possibly bringing a little furry friend home with me. Am I a horrible person for even contemplating the idea?

Also, if I did go to the show and find a hamster I liked, would I be able to reserve him/her for a few hours? My mum has to work that morning and obviously I wouldn't want to be taking the hamster home on public transport as I can't drive. And, would I need to take some sort of carry case with me?