Hi Rach,
I don't think you are being too soft with your hamster. If she doesn't want to be picked up by you, I wouldn't force her in anyway.
It sounds like she has a very timid nature and doesn't trust you. You had a bad start when she jumped and she was likely traumatized when you were trying to catch her that first time. But, don't blame yourself. All is not lost. I have tamed the so called "untameable". Even ones I believed were "untameable"!
I am sure there is more than one way to tame a hamster but the first thing I tell people who buy my Syrians is RULE #1: never chase it with your hands. This terrifies them. Be patient and let the hamster come to you. Here is how I do it.
#1 I put my hand inside the cage and lay it still without moving it. A hamster can't resist coming over and checking a hand out. I let it smell me and even bite me if it likes. If it bites, I don't jump back. I keep my hand still. The point is to let the hamster know that it doesn't have to be afraid of your hand and biting your hand doesn't make it go away. They seldom bite again. I don't try to touch the hamster. Let it get comfortable and go about its business. After a while, I slowly remove my hand when the hamster isn't near my hand. I do this as often as I can for a couple of days.
#2 I put some treats on my hand and keep it perfectly still, while the hamster comes and eats them. I let it play near my hand and still don't try to touch the hamster.
#3 Then, when I think its ready, I will use my other hand to gently touch the hamster while it is taking the treats. Again, don't do anything to frighten the hamster. Be patient!
#4 When I think the hamster is ready, when it is sitting on my hand inside the cage, I slowly lift it up and pet it BUT keep it inside the cage. That way, if it suddenly jumps, it won't be traumatized by being dropped. Don't try to take the hamster away from the cage until you are sure it is comfortable. And then play on the bed or on the floor so it can't jump and fall.
This always works for me. I tame all of my hamsters before I let them go to their new homes. This system works for young pups and I have also rescued older hamsters who were like cobras who bit anyone who came near them. Patience is the key and REMEMBER ALWAYS LET THE HAMSTER COME TO YOU. When a hamster learns to trust you, it will bond to you and you will be their #1 buddy forever.
Hope you will give it a try!
Hamstermama
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