When you question if it's worth the grief

[Amethyst_ice]

Hi all,

So I have had a pretty traumatic past 2 weeks in my ratty keeping world.

It started by me returning to a horrible, blood covered cage..over my walls,carpet..horrible. Through my past experience I presumed a rare fight, having checked everyone over I found no injuries so settled that it may have been a nicked ear, which like a papercut, can bleed ALOT and make everything look worse. Not nice to clean up but hoped it was over with.

A day later I came down to the same scene, affirming to me that the chance of a 2nd fight was unlikely and something medical was going on. Again, couldnt find anyone to diagnose. Happened again on the Friday.

After speaking to my breeder friends I started a process of elimination and set up a smaller cage with the idea of pairing them to try isolate who..then identify what.

Ironically had a clear weekend and started to hope whatever it may have been had resolved. Woke up Wednesday to the same scene around the smaller cage and thought I had identified who and put together a plan of action. I swapped one rat out and placed the ratties brother in with him as it was their 2 yr birthday. They both enjoyed cake and seemed well.

Thursday I came down to the worse mess yet and the ratty i'd placed in the previous night gone to the bridge. It knocked me back and ill save the details but it was not nice. Having spoken to my ratty people they agree I did everything I could and it sounded like a pulmonary embolism..blood clots and blood on the lungs, nothing a vet could have done or predicted.

I returned his brother to my main cage and he was fine Friday. Yesterday I came down to find him withdrawn, refusing food, water, just lying there. I spent the day trying to syringe water him, feed, just sat holding him, he slept in my arms, on my shoulder, he just wanted to be by me. I started to believe he was grieving, which rats can do...he took a turn in the evening, possibly a stroke and lost the use of his back legs. This morning I had to make the call to help him to the bridge. He'd given up.

To lose two brothers, in the space of three days...after all the trauma of the symptoms and to watch essentially my ratty just give up the will to live has hit me pretty hard. I'm not "used to" grief but I have been keeping small animals a while now the short life spans I have become a little better dealing with. This is just too much and was not expected.

Together with some things personally, its making me do what we all do after a loss, ask is it worth it? Statistically, losing two so close I know is probably just cruel ironally and I have had just horrible bad luck. Just these guys were my rocks, they were older, so cuddlier, had such different personalities, special ones..I feel I have not only lost my pets but a bit of my support system.

[Pebbles82]

I'm so sorry AmethystIce. It was a particularly sad end and I think you're right, his brother succumbed to grief. But - they are together in ratty heaven now. And your grief will be very raw right now. Do take care and surround yourself with people who love you. Then say goodbye to your little friends who you gave so much to. Life won't be the same again, but new wonderful things will happen. xxx

[Piebald]

That's very rough no doubt. I have to say I've never had a pet die nicely. Death is hard. But you feel the way you do because they brought you so much joy and you loved them so much. They were your friends. Don't make any decisions now just grieve. I think you are lucky to have had such good friends. RIP little bros. Thank you for gracing us with you lives. xx

[Amethyst_ice]

Thanks guys, It's starting to hit me a bit now how reduced my group is..lost the boss man and noticing it so much.

I'm glad I pushed myself Sunday night to bury them as I can focus on trying to deal with the emotions.

[BrainGirl]

They're beautiful boys, Amethyst. I'm so sorry x

[DrKMcK]

That was just a terrible thing for you and your ratties to have to go through Amethyst_Ice. I know how it can feel not worth it when we lose them. After all, who wants to keep feelng bad? Yet, I still go back to them because I think the happiness with all of my furries balances it out in the long run. I'm pretty sure there has been far more laughing than tears through the years with my pets. I just wish it hadn't been so gruesome for you and your furries.
{hugs}

[racinghamster]

Really sorry and sad to hear about your lovely boys Amethyst_ice it can`t have been easy. If I`m totally honest, I went through a lot of grief and stress when I kept rats. I had three rats originally. One single male and then two brothers, all came from the SSPCA. I then took on three adopted rats who I later decided (very reluctantly) to rehome as I found keeping them too much. They were wonderful pets, but oh so difficult to keep well and healthy. I lost Winston my first old boy to old age and hind leg paralysis. I took his demise so hard I couldn`t eat for a week afterwards. My two brothers, one died from urolithiasis, the other heart problems. It was agonising.

I decided not to keep rats after that and went on to keep rescue fancy mice for ten years or so and then moved to hamsters, which I now keep only one dwarfie.

I would say rest well, remember the good times and give yourself plenty of time. But rats can be a labour of love. Hamsters are far more easy to keep in my opinion. x

[Thin Lizzy]

So sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you.
I know exactly what you mean when we ask ourselves is it worth it, but, please remember the joy and happiness that you gave them and vice versa, you did everything you could for them.

[Amethyst_ice]

Originally Posted by racinghamster

I would say rest well, remember the good times and give yourself plenty of time. But rats can be a labour of love. Hamsters are far more easy to keep in my opinion. x

I did start with the hammies (how I found my wonderful hom ehere on HC) and never actually wanted rats.

I will always love hamsters and yes, there have been some special "humanlike" ones but I think the ratty appeal is that they do have that deeper intellegence level, below cat and dog but certainly an understanding. I can sit on the sofa covered in the ratties having snuggles, I can't have that with a hamster..and I like how I can get any of them out any time of day, so for me, they do fit into my life wonderfully.

I agree hamsters are the "less stress" pet. I have been fairly lucky (touch wood) the past 6 years healwise in my rat keeping, I have kept to breeder and then the last few years the same breeder so I think that plays a part.

I thought I was ok with these two but I have been struggling sleeping and really tired at work, I think it has been "in the background" this week more than I realised.

My group is quieter than normal, readjusting. Agreed some hit you harder, the timespace and the way they went I think has impacted.

Thanks guys. Your kind words do mean alot. Time...grrrrr