Am I being selfish?

hannahbubble · 01-15-2012, 03:40 PM

Definitely off topic for a hamster forum but in need of some words of wisdom!

Basically, my boyfriend and I were supposed to be going away for a few weeks to do some volunteering this summer, we hadn't decided where.

He's now decided he is going to do Camp America, which means he will be away for 3 months. I can't go because of my job, and my pets as well. I could only have done a 2 or 3 week project.

I am really upset with him. I don't want him to go, I will resent him for leaving me, and I don't understand why he can't do something we can both do.

Am I being selfish in making a massive, (and I mean massive) deal out of this?

Onion · 01-15-2012, 03:44 PM

I think if it is something he REALLY wants to do then you should let him, you have made it clear you are upset I assume, but at the end of the day it could be a once in a lifetime trip for him.

On the other hand, he has broken an agreement you made, and that isn't fair.

The way I see it is that it is something he will possibly only get to do once, and in the grand scheme of things does it really matter? You could potentially have the rest of your lives together, 3 months is not a big deal.

Please don't think I'm being harsh, I have been through the same kind of things with my OH, and I just think the little things don't matter because I love him, and I want him to be happy

RachK · 01-15-2012, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Onion

The way I see it is that it is something he will possibly only get to do once, and in the grand scheme of things does it really matter? You could potentially have the rest of your lives together, 3 months is not a big deal.

I think Onion is spot on there there.

I know 3 months is a long time when you are younger, especially in an early relationship (obviously don't know in your case) but it is only 3 months.

I remember having to go away for a week when I was 17 & it seemed like a lifetime to leave my boyfriend.

Seems really silly now. We've been together 23 years.

I know you were going to do something together but there is always another Summer.

hannahbubble · 01-15-2012, 04:12 PM

Well we've been together 3 years and it will be the longest we've spent apart obviously. I do want him to be happy but we could do it together next year, because we will both be done with uni and I will be quitting my job anyway.

I'm just upset I guess, we don't even know if he will get on to it yet, but I'm just sad that he will get to spend 3 months doing this thing I would like to do as well if I could, and I will be spending the summer alone because my university friends will be going back to their homes.

TraceyH · 01-15-2012, 04:27 PM

He seems the selfish one to me. Swanning off for three months and leaving you on your own when you both could do something together this year. I'd tell him to not bother coming back if it were me. If he gets away with it this year then he might go for six months next year.

**kyrilliondaemon** · 01-15-2012, 04:36 PM

Yeah... I actually think hes handled this really badly.

I went away for 4 weeks to Honduras during the summer before last, but I checked with my boyfriend that he was ok with it back while it was still at the "vague possibility" stage. It was my only chance to go, and I made sure he was 100% fine with it before I did much with it at all, and checked again before applying, again before submitting the deposit e.t.c.
And we hadn't had plans of spending the summer together - infact our plans clearly stated spending the summer miles apart and visiting as often as possible. Four weeks that far apart and with me less contactable wasn't planned, so I really did make sure he was ok with it. I even went out of my way to make sure I could include him in the plans and stuff like that, incase it helped at all (not that he wasn't fine - but making him even more fine seemed good lol).

I kinda think your boyfriend should have done the same and spoken to you before making the decision and taken your feelings into account a lot more - especially when you planned to volunteer together and could both apply to Camp America for next summer instead.

lisab · 01-16-2012, 04:58 AM

I wouldnt stop my boyfriend/hubby if it was something like that. for an example If it was a week away with the boys just drinking ect then that would be a different story.

3 months isnt that long really. I dont think he is being selfish at all and i dont think its really that big of a deal.

And as you say you dont know if he is actually going yet you could be stressing over nothing