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Old 09-12-2020, 08:00 AM   #1
RolyRocks
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Default Absolutely heartbroken.. Sweet dreams my beautiful Roly X

I am absolutely heartbroken... my beautiful baby boy Roly passed away yesterday evening aged only 16 months. It was such a shock and I still cannot believe he has gone. What made things even harder was that I away for a few days and didn't get to spend his last few days with him.
I have no idea why this has happened. He appeared absolutely fine and was in very safe hands with my Dad looking after him. I left a list of instructions and spoke to my Dad everyday. On Tuesday morning my Dad said he hadn't eaten his food that night but I was very pleased to hear the next day the bowl was empty. He had his same treats and fresh veg but hadn't touched his corn cob which I had left for him. That was very odd as he loved his corn cobs as a treat.
When i got home late yesterday afternoon I saw his little head fast asleep by the open hole to his house. I did think this was a little different as he usually sleeps further in but i gently opened his lid to check on him and could see he was breathing so just thought he was in a deep sleep and didn't want to disturb him. Oh how I massively regret that now as when I checked on him later he was still in the same position and my little boy had gone. I just couldn't believe it, it was such a huge shock and I couldn't stop crying, still can't. I am struggling to write this as I am just completely devastated.
I wish with all my heart I had made sure he was properly ok when I first checked on him. The fact he didn't wake up when I opened the lid should have alerted me that something wasn't right. Why did I just assume he was in a deep sleep? He was definitely breathing but I assume he was probably unconscious at this point. I know there was probably nothing I could have done to save him (or was there?) but I could have held him in my arms and been with him when he died, he wouldn't have been alone. This breaks my heart to think that I let him down when he needed me the most.
I wish I hadn't gone away. I might have been able to pick up on any subtle changes which understandably my Dad wouldn't have as he didn't know Roly the way I did. I do know he was well looked after in his final days, I just wish I was the one to be there for him as he was my little Roly Poly and I loved him so very very much.
I have so many questions and 'what if's' going around in my head. Did he suffer, how long was he unconscious for, why did he die when he appeared so fit and healthy. I guess I will never know the answers but i can't help feeling guilt and regret and keep asking myself could I have saved him...
Before I go, I just wanted to tell you a little bit about my beloved Roly...
He was a beautiful fluffy grey boy who was so very gentle. He would take food out my hand by putting his tiny little paw on my finger and every so carefully taking the food, never once catching my finger. He had the most gorgeous cheeky little face that would always make me smile and the cutest little bum wiggle.
He was just such a joy to own and I feel so blessed to have had Roly in my life, I just wish it could have been for so much longer.

I love and miss you SO much little man, you have definitely left little hamster paw prints on my heart. Sweet dreams my special boy X
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Old 09-12-2020, 08:07 AM   #2
souffle
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Default Re: Absolutely heartbroken.. Sweet dreams my beautiful Roly X

I am so very sorry for your loss. Run free at the bridge Roly x
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Old 09-12-2020, 08:28 AM   #3
RolyRocks
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Default Re: Absolutely heartbroken.. Sweet dreams my beautiful Roly X

My precious boy 💔
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Old 09-12-2020, 09:02 AM   #4
cypher
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Default Re: Absolutely heartbroken.. Sweet dreams my beautiful Roly X

I’m so sorry for your loss, what a beautiful sweet boy he was & such a lovely photo for his memorial.
It’s only natural that you will be thinking of all the what if’s & maybes right now but it sounds as though he was already on his way to the bridge when you came home & checked on him & nothing you could have done would have changed that, he dies peacefully in his nest & that is really the best way to end a good & happy life, I’m just very sorry your time together was so short.
It doesn’t sound as though there were any obvious signs that he was unwell before that were missed either, sometimes we just don’t know why their time has come, it is hard to accept but with time the pain grows less & the memories live on in your heart.

Run free & play well at the bridge sweet Roly.
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Old 09-12-2020, 09:05 AM   #5
Ria P
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Cool Re: Absolutely heartbroken.. Sweet dreams my beautiful Roly X

I am so very sorry that you have lost this lovely little boy.

Our Percy died under similar circumstances. I knew something was wrong when i found his cucumber untouched and then i found him lying there uncocnscious but breathing. He kept breathing another day and another night but i knew he was on his way to the rainbow bridge. He was only 13 months old.
When you saw your Roly and thought he was in a deep sleep he was on his way too. There's nothing you could have done and the fact that you thought he was asleep shows that he was at peace and drifting away and not in pain or scared.
Roly may have had a stroke or a heart attack so wouldn't have been suffering.
He passed away peacefully in his own nest, far too soon that's true but his time had come.
Your emotions are raw now but your grief will ease through time and then you will be able to remember the good times you had with Roly and the good life you had given him.

Try and look after yourself and please don't blame yourself.
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Old 09-13-2020, 04:05 AM   #6
RolyRocks
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Default Re: Absolutely heartbroken.. Sweet dreams my beautiful Roly X

Thank you so much for your kind and comforting words.
I know it might sound silly, but i just wish when i checked on him first i had known what was happening, so i could have placed my hand on him so he knew i was there and tell him how very much loved he was.
My bedroom is so empty without him and so very quiet at night. I have put his cage in the spare room as it was just too hard seeing it and i can't yet bring myself to clean it out.
I just miss him so much. X
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Old 09-13-2020, 04:27 AM   #7
Petite
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Default Re: Absolutely heartbroken.. Sweet dreams my beautiful Roly X

What a shock for you. I can imagine how raw you must be feeling right now. When my Theo died in January, I did the same as you - put the cage in another room. In the end, my daughter cleaned it for me and put it away. Perhaps you have someone who could do that for you?

Roly was a gorgeous hamster, and you had a happy life together in the time you had. The photograph you posted is stunning. Thanks for sharing this with us.
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Old 09-13-2020, 09:00 AM   #8
RolyRocks
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Default Re: Absolutely heartbroken.. Sweet dreams my beautiful Roly X

Quote:
Originally Posted by Petite View Post
Roly was a gorgeous hamster, and you had a happy life together in the time you had. The photograph you posted is stunning. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Thank you, i know i am biased, but he was just the cutest most adorable little man.

My dad made a lovely wooden box with his name on and we buried him in the garden with his favourite treat, a monkey nut.

I wish he wasn't taken from me so soon, i just feel so sad and want to see his cheeky little face again.

I will always love you little fella X
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Old 09-13-2020, 09:23 AM   #9
Ria P
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Default Re: Absolutely heartbroken.. Sweet dreams my beautiful Roly X

You are right though. Roly was one of the cutest and most beautiful hamsters i've ever seen.

Your poor dad must be feeling awful as well to see you so upset. You both did your very best for Roly and gave him a lovely hamster life.

We all react differently. I cleaned out Percy's cage soon after we had buried him in the garden with a whimzee and bedding in his coffin for the journey. I even set up the cage again but differently because it was just too upsetting to see his cage with his things knowing that he would never live in it again.

I hope that once you have adjusted to living without Roly you will give another hamster a loving home because you have so much love to give.
You will never forget Roly and you will always miss him for the loving and gentle little hamster that he was but it will help to give another a chance of a good life....in time, when you are ready.
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Old 09-15-2020, 08:44 AM   #10
RolyRocks
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Default Re: Absolutely heartbroken.. Sweet dreams my beautiful Roly X

Thank you for saying such lovely words about Roly Ria P. He certainly was a very special little guy. I knew as soon as I saw him in the pet shop that I had to have him, it was love at first sight!
It still seems so unfair that his life was cut so short. I keep torturing myself thinking, if I had been here would things have been different. Might I have noticed a change in his behaviour and been able to take him to the vets and make him better. I guess I will never know...
I have thought about cleaning his cage out but can't yet bring myself to do it. I think cleaning his nest out will be the hardest, seeing half eaten bits of his favourite foods that he was saving to eat another time.
I can't yet imagine another little hamster living in his cage. I would definitely have to change the setup, as like you Ria P, it would just be too upsetting keeping everything the same knowing he will never be in it again. My mum has said in time, when I feel ready, it may help with the healing process looking after another little one.

Thank you all again for your kind and caring words. It helps to speak to people who have been through the same thing. X
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