I don't know what to do

[jurassicprince]

I used this website whenever I had to research anything about my hamster (something I spent months doing before I got him) so first I want to thank you for being here during my hamster journey.

It has been one month since he passed. It was the week after his second birthday, and it devastated me.

I'm an 18 year old with autism, and bond with animals extremely quickly and have gotten along with every animal I've ever met, so you can imagine the kind of bond I had with my very first pet of my own. My dad has pet allergies so until I was 16 I never got to have any fluffy pets, only fish.

My hamster was so special to me, and whenever I was upset or having a meltdown he was comforting to me, and I liked having the responsibility of feeding and watering him every day and cleaning out his cage. It gave me a reason to live, because if I died I knew nobody in my family would be able to take care of him properly.

Anyway, I still can't get over his death. I know it's only been a month but I have cried for him every day and night. I still say hello to him out of habit when I enter my room after being out for a while. I still go to feed him after I eat my own dinner. I can't sleep without hearing him running on his wheel. It feels like there's a hole in my heart and none of my friends understand because he was "just a hamster".

But he was my best friend for TWO YEARS. He never bit hard, only when we were play fighting and only me. He never bit anyone else and he was ALWAYS up for a cuddle no matter who it was. He would put up with me singing softly to him and snuggling him whenever I wanted, and I only had to take him to the vet once to get his nails cut. He really was an amazing boy. But because my friends dismiss my emotions, I decided to come here to see if anyone else has a similar story.

It really feels like I'm having my heart destroyed, and I feel like I would be able to find some comfort here somehow.

P.S. I also have had him cremated and have picked out something beautiful to store his ashes in. He's been gone for weeks and I can't wait to have him back.

[souffle]

I am so very sorry for your loss. He really did have a wonderful long life and was clearly much loved. We all understand the pain in your heart just now but it does lessen as time passes.
Remember you never lose a hamster truly as they are always there in your heart. That's why it hurts as they kick around a lot while they settle in. Each creature we share our lives with makes our hearts grow a little bigger. When they pass there is room for them there but also when you are ready there is room for another little one to share the great life he had with you just the same. Your heart can never grow big enough and it can never be full either.
When he comes home you will be able to settle and make a little tribute area for him. What was his name?
Run free and the bridge little one.

[Pebbles82]

Hello. I can completely understand your grief and how these things can last. The Blue Cross have a pet bereavement service. I'll link it below. They are very good and helped me at a difficult time via their email service. Sometimes people can have special words and it helps you get through this stage of grief. The only other thing I can say is, I didn't really come out of grief until we got a new baby hamster and suddenly we were all happy again - and they do make you laugh with their baby antics. No hamster could replace the one we lost but they are all different. I think when it happens with the next hamster, you don't feel the grief so traumatically - hard to explain but you gain an acceptance that it is their time. And you deal with it differntly. You may not feel like having another hamster but I think it is a good thing to help you over the grief and we have room in our hearts for more love and more pets.

Do email the Blue Cross service though -they really help.

https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-ber...t-and-pet-loss