Forgive me, my sweet Prince Lemon

Burakki · 05-17-2018, 05:38 AM

I haven’t been on the forum for a while and never did I think the the reason for my return would be so heartbreaking.

Last night my beautiful fluffy boy suddenly passed away. I have no clue what I did wrong and what could be the reason. He was absolutely fine on Tuesday night, being his curious active self. Yesterday I realized that he didn’t come out for his dinner. At about 1 am I checked him in his hideout. He was alive, but kinda sleepy and grumpy, so I lift him to sleep. At 4am I checked him again and realized that it was not just sleeping. He was alive but barely moving, and when I picked him up he was mostly like a rag doll. I immediately started calling emergency vet help, but they said that they didn’t have a ratologist on call, so I should wait until 7am to make an appointment.
At 7 am I came to check on Lemon again, at first I was sure that he was already dead, but he started moving and making coughing or vomiting sounds. I took him out to try and see what was going on, but he wasn’t coughing anymore. I could still feel his pulse. It was so slow, but it was there... and then it wasn’t. It’s as if he waited for me to take him out one last time before passing. I still remember how on Tuesday night he was asking to come out and I was so tired, so I told him “ tomorrow, I promise”. Well, I kept the promise only to have him die in my hand.

I don’t know what I did that killed him. He ate the same food as my other hamster, due to me being busy he wasn’t out of his cage the last couple of days, so he couldn’t have eaten something outside. I see only two reasons, the first being an unsuccessful fall after his favorite bar climbing activity, the second - our new chinchilla was jumping around his cage a week ago. What if its bollots fell in Lemon’s cage and he ate it? Could it have killed him? His body looked completely normal - no blood or injuries. Just wet fur around his mouth. He was so young - only 8 months...

I’ll never forgive myself for kinda neglecting him in favor of the chinchilla the last couple of months. But I loved him so very much, I can’t stop crying since 4 am.

Forgive me, my sweet Prince Lemon. Run as much as you want on the rainbow bridge. You were very much loved.

Two of the last photos I ever took of him:

dreamtree1234 · 05-17-2018, 07:01 AM

Oh, no!!!! I can't stop crying as I am writing this. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw a thread posted by you in the memorial section. I am terribly, TERRIBLY sorry for your tragic loss of beloved Prince Lemon. He was a truly amazing ham with infinite personality, charm, charisma, and beauty. He was such a precious ham and loved by all who got the chance to know him through his entertaining thread. I know that he was incredibly lucky to have you as his loving and devoted mum just as you were fortunate to have him brighten your days with his love and adventures. I truly loved this little one and felt a real connection to him because of you kindly sharing the story of his amazing life with all of us on HC. He always made me smile. He will be greatly missed and will definitely live in our memories and heart always.

Although you have been extremely busy lately, I have no doubt that your darling heart-ham knew that he was truly loved and cared for by you. Your bond with each other was exceptional, and I truly believe that you have nothing to blame yourself for. There is absolutely no way that you could have done anything more for him to prevent this heartbreaking passing from happening. Sadly, sometimes our little ones just pass away, and there is no reason behind it except for it just being their time. I believe that he waited to pass peacefully in your hands because he wanted to spend his final moments surrounded by the love, tenderness, and comfort that you always showed to him. You made his passing easier for him, and his last moments were not alone because of you.

I am truly heartbroken for your loss and my heart definitely goes out to you during this very emotional and sad time. Please know that your handsome Prince Lemon loved you and would only want you to be alright. Remember all of the wonderful times (which are so many) and know that he will be looking down from the Rainbow Bridge on you with so much love and appreciation for all that you gave to him. He will live on in all of the many hearts that he captivated during his life thanks to you, and he will be your guardian fur angel in heaven. I know that your sweet and lovable Marti as well as your darling, new chinchilla will bring you much comfort. We are here for you. Huge hugs from me and whisker kisses from Eros. XXX

RIP, darling Prince Lemon! As always, you look so handsome, cute, and inquisitive in your last photos taken. You were truly special and will be loved always by so many. Please watch over your loving mum and send a gorgeous and heartfelt, rainbow message to her because she loves and misses you so. I know that you will visit your dear mum in her dreams and give her comfort to know that you are doing fine at the bridge. I am sure that you will be greeted by so many of your beloved friends at the bridge - including my beloved Snickers. May you have many grand adventures. Eros and I love you and will miss you.

cypher · 05-17-2018, 10:37 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's always hard to lose a ham but when it happens so suddenly & unexpectedly it is even harder & it's only natural to think it must be something you've done when it really is most likely that's not the case & there's nothing you could have done differently, sadly this is something that does sometimes just happen & we can never know why.
You did your best for him & gave him a life of love.

Run free & play well at the bridge Prince Lemon.

IamKat · 05-17-2018, 03:20 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a ham suddenly is such an awful awful thing and it's natural to want to find some way in which you could have done things differently. However i believe this is one of those tragic and unavoidable instances where really there was nothing you could have done. He was a sweet lad and i'm sure your special bond with him was not at all influenced by your being a little busy lately. Time will lessen the shock and pain but i'm sure you will never forget the time you had together. Play well little one.

Amethyst_ice · 05-17-2018, 06:15 PM

I'm sorry for your loss, it is clear that you loved him very much.

I have lost hamsters at very young ages and without warning, it is quite often the way of it. They have such tiny little bodies, lots can happen and I highly doubt it was anything you did. I know it is easy to think that way and we want an answer but in time we just have to accept it.

Take comfort that he didn't suffer to long and if i'm speaking honestly, as horrible as it is at the time, to have a loved furbaby pass in your hands is such a special thing. I am always glad I was there for them, providing what ever warmth and comfort I could as they grew their bridge wings.

Play well lemon and hugs for you xxxx

Burakki · 05-18-2018, 01:48 PM

Thanks to everyone for your kind words and understanding. Lemon was not the first pet I lost but it was so sudden that it hit me harder than others, though I loved them all very much. I’m trying to convince myself that it wasn’t my fault, it doesn’t help that my ocd now drives me mad with triple checking Marti and everything I give her. I hope that it will go away soon... Today I had a presentation at school and it helped me to distract myself a bit. A good night’s sleep also played its role, as I was awake for almost 48 hours due to Lemon’s passing.

Lemon found its last home under a lilac tree in a park nearby in a box from Italian lemon scented soap. It had pretty lemon trees drawn on it. There were a lot of bright yellow dandelions where we buried him, so I think it’s symbolic. The park is right next to my house, so I’ll be passing it almost every time I’ll be going somewhere. I hope that stray dogs won’t disturb his peace, but I dug a pretty deep hole and put three huge stones on top of it, so I hope he’ll rest peacefully.

I still feel like a piece of my heart was ripped out and a cold hand is twisting my insides every time I think of him, but I’ll try to get through it. I’m thinking of having a tattoo of him to join tattoos of my late dogs. This was he’ll always be with me.

BubbyandHamper · 05-18-2018, 03:39 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss! I'm a first timer but even I know what it's like to lose your beloved, whether it be a human or an animal.

Rest in peace Prince Lemon and have fun at the Rainbow Bridge.

Thin Lizzy · 05-19-2018, 04:09 AM

I cried reading this about Prince Lemon, so unfair.
Burakki, you did nothing wrong, we all blame ourselves when our little hams die so young and so suddenly. We all know what you're going through and here to support you at this very sad time.
Prince Lemon was a fluffy beauty who was loved so much by yourself and us here.
Sending you big hugs xxx

Burakki · 05-19-2018, 03:31 PM

Thank you both for your understanding. That’s so incredible that this forum exists, and there are people who understand this pain. When you say that your hamster died to someone, they usually reply with “ so buy another one”, and that kills me.

Thank you all, beautiful people for helping me get through the loss of my precious boy.

BubbyandHamper · 05-19-2018, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burakki

Thank you both for your understanding. That’s so incredible that this forum exists, and there are people who understand this pain. When you say that your hamster died to someone, they usually reply with “ so buy another one”, and that kills me.

Thank you all, beautiful people for helping me get through the loss of my precious boy.

You're very welcome Burrakki. This thread may be the only thread I see of him (being a new member) but I can tell he is very cute! Let Prince Lemon race faster than the others at Rainbow Bridge!