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Old 06-07-2017, 03:26 PM   #1
AprilPearl
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Default RIP Mushu

I am in shock. I am crying as I write this. Mushu is dead. He's gone. Gone. And I don't know how or why, but it's my fault.

He was fine this morning. He ate porridge, a pumpkin seed, took his breakfast, even worked out how to gnaw dried sweet corn off his corn on the cob for the first (and last) time.

This evening, I was babysitting next door and had left my mum with directions to take Mushu out for floor time. She's done it before and everything has been fine.

Anyway, I got a call. It was my Mum. She says Mushu was fine when she took him out. He ate banana, groomed himself, had an explore. She turned to get his seed bar and when she turned back there was blood coming out of his nose and mouth. And, a second later, he was gone.

I don't understand it. I just don't. My mum blames herself. She says she must have picked him up wrong or accidentally kicked him or something - although she is certain she would have noticed doing either of those things and she didn't. But, I know this was my fault. I shouldn't have gone out. I should have been there. He must have been so afraid and in a lot of pain, even if it was only for a second.

His new cage came today. I was going to set it up so nicely for him and now he will never use it.

I couldn't believe what my Mum was saying until she showed me the body. There was so much blood. So so much blood. And he wasn't there anymore. He's really gone. And I killed him. I did this. Why did I leave? Why? I thought I was earning money towards more treats for him. Ha! In reality I was setting his death in motion.

If anyone can tell me what might have happened, it may help. His death wasn't anything like our other hamsters, who took hours to go and were clearly ill. This was so sudden and violent.

I don't know what I am going to do. I can't face the thought of another hamster now, or maybe even ever. I don't even want to go to sleep even though it hurts so much because that moment of escape won't be worth waking up, remembering that he's dead and having to get used to the pain and shock all over.

Last edited by AprilPearl; 06-07-2017 at 03:50 PM.
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Old 06-07-2017, 03:29 PM   #2
kitty629
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Default Re: RIP Mushu

My heart goes out to you. It sounds very tragic. Do not blame yourself you cannot be there every second.
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Old 06-07-2017, 03:44 PM   #3
Drago
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Default Re: RIP Mushu

AprilPearl, I'm so so sorry This is such shocking news

AP, this was in no way your fault. I don't like being clinical when consoling people, but it sounds to me as if something internally went wrong. I am sure it had absolutely nothing to do with you. You are a loving, caring, and extremely diligent ham parent and I know you'd never be at fault. Please do not blame yourself for what has happened. When I lost my first ever hamster, Remington, she died in the same way. I cried for so long and never wanted another hamster again. I was convinced that I had killed her somehow, I thought I had done something wrong and felt so guilty. However, when I spoke to my vet over what had happened, they shared that bleeding from the mouth/nose/rear is typically indicative of an internal issue that generally is unable to be detected.

It's crucial you understand that it's impossible for you to be there every moment, and Mushu knew that. Mushu had a special bond with you quite clearly, allowing you to stroke and hold him at any time. You gave him everything a hamster could ever ask for, and you loved him so much. He had a better life with you than he did in P@H and one he might have had if he had been adopted by anyone else.

Please take the time to heal and acknowledge your pain, but also know that you shouldn't blame yourself. Take care of yourself please, Mushu would like you to care for yourself as you did with him. If you ever need anything, everyone here has grown to love Mushu and will always be here for support X

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/Grief...pport_Home.htm
(This website really helped me through the loss of my dog and all my rainbow hams, please give it a try if you're feeling down)

Play well at the bridge little Mushu
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Old 06-07-2017, 03:49 PM   #4
CMB
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Default Re: RIP Mushu

Run free at the rainbow bridge Mushu. Sorry for your loss.
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Old 06-07-2017, 05:04 PM   #5
dreamtree1234
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Default Re: RIP Mushu

AprilPearl, I am extremely, EXTREMELY sorry for your terrible tragedy of losing beloved Mushu. I couldn't stop crying as I read your heartbreaking news. Mushu was a truly amazing and loving ham with so much character and personality. Everyone here on HC has grown to love him immensely, and I am in total shock that he has passed. As Drago said, he probably just had something internally wrong that you couldn't possibly have been aware of. Please, PLEASE don't blame yourself for his passing. You are an AMAZING person who loved, pampered, and cared for him with all of your heart. You can't be there for every second of the day and night, and even if you were, you wouldn't be able to stop this from happening either. Mushu loved you and your mum with all of his heart and wouldn't have wanted either of you to ever blame yourselves. It was neither your Mum nor your fault, so please try to find some peace knowing that you both always did absolutely everything humanly possible to give Mushu the greatest life ever. Although he wasn't with you as long as you had hoped, his life was totally full of happiness and love. He was a truly lucky hammy to be in the forever home that you and your mum gave to him. Please take care of yourself AprilPearl because Mushu would want you to be alright. Do it for him, your mum, yourself, and everyone else who cares for you. If you EVER need anything, please know that we are all here for you. Don't worry about what the future holds for you concerning whether or not you decide to get another hammy. Right now, it is so extremely important for you to just have time to mourn the loss of someone so special, and if and/or when the time comes for you to open your heart to another hammy in the future, you will know it and Mushu will pleased that you have another hammy to love and to love you. Dearest Mushu, rest in peace. Although you are gone, you will remain in all of the hearts and memories of those that you have touched, Mushu. You certainly were a very, VERY special fluffy! May you run free, happy, and healthy at the Rainbow Bridge. Please find some way to give your mum and grandmum a sign that you are alright and send them a little extra sunshine their way, too. I am sending you and your mum hugs, and Eros sends plenty of whisker kisses, too. My heart goes out to you all, and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Last edited by dreamtree1234; 06-07-2017 at 05:33 PM.
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Old 06-07-2017, 07:07 PM   #6
Crystalroborovski
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Default Re: RIP Mushu

AP, I am so incredibly sorry. I wish I could give you a big hug.

Please, please do not blame yourself. I know that you cared so much for Mushu and you wouldn't ever put him in harm's way. As drago mentioned it was probably something internal that went wrong and caused the bleeding. By going out and buying him some treats you, in no way, caused his death. It was not your fault, nor your mother's fault, nor anyone's fault.

You were such a great mother to Mushu- so caring and loving. I feel for you as I know how it hurts to lose a pet. Sending a million hugs your way. Play well at the bridge little Mushu x
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Old 06-07-2017, 09:55 PM   #7
Thin Lizzy
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Default Re: RIP Mushu

No! I burst into tears and I had to re-read it, AprilPearl, I'm heartbroken to read this about Mushu.
Sending you big hugs and to let you know I'm thinking of you.
Such a fright for your mum as he was fine and then not, please ensure you and your mum grieve together and comfort each other.
Mushu was the most fluffiest beautiful boy and he stole my heart. He was loved by all of us and I'm struggling to type because of the tears flowing down my face.
Please do not blame yourself, we all saw how much you loved him.
RIP Mr Fluffy Mushu gone way too soon XXXX
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Old 06-07-2017, 10:01 PM   #8
cypher
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Default Re: RIP Mushu

April this is such a terrible shock, I'm so very sorry, I think it's only natural that we question ourselves & blame ourselves when we lose a young ham so suddenly & unexpectedly but there is no way this was your fault.
I agree with Drago that there was very likely something internal that was wrong which you couldn't have known about that brought about his sudden end.

You were a wonderful Mum to your lovely Musha, you gave him so much love & the best life he could wish for, I don't think he could possibly have wanted for more, his life was cruelly short but it was a happy one, try to take some small consolation in that.
He will live on forever in your heart.

Run free & play well at the bridge Mushu.
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Old 06-07-2017, 10:30 PM   #9
Pebbles82
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Default Re: RIP Mushu

Oh April - such a shock and a trauma and so very sad. I am so sorry. Firstly - that much blood suggests, as Drago said, a sudden bleed - maybe internal. It sounds very much like it was just one of those awful things and probably genetic. If it had been an accident of some kind it would have been obvious and your Mum would have been aware.

Secondly. It's not your fault. That is a normal grief reaction to blame yourself - or someone else. It was a tragic event, but it is no-one's fault. We had a hamster 25 years ago that lived out his full life despite climbing curtains and jumping off, chewing electrical wires and jumping in a vat of punch. They are quite resilient. Mushu's passing sounds like a rupture of some kind. I don't suppose he would know much about it, as it sounds very sudden.

You need to look after yourself now - it takes time to accept and come to terms. And as people said to me, time is the healer. Of course you can't imagine ever having a hamster again now, but in time .......

I am so very very sorry. Don't worry about the cage - just put it away for now - and I am sure you will be glad you got it at some point and want to use it. It's not fair. But soon you will be able to remember the lovely moments. When they leave us it is so so hard, whether it is through sudden illness, or a long lingering decline needing a tough decision, as we had with Charlie.

You can sleep a bit tomorrow if you can't sleep now. Get some sleep and cry as much as you want. And then maybe think about a little funeral xxxx Over the next month or so just go with the flow - I found after 3 weeks or so that a week-end away really helped. You gave him so much love and care and he had a happy life with you. So hard it was cut short. But he is playing free over the rainbow bridge now, with Charlie.
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Old 06-07-2017, 10:43 PM   #10
AprilPearl
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Default Re: RIP Mushu

Thank you everyone. Your replies were so kind they made me cry. It really touches me to know that in his short life, so many people came to love Mushu too. I still don’t believe it. I want to go in to his room and look because part of me expects him to have made a miraculous recovery, but logically I know he is gone and I don’t want to see him all... Broken.

I might not be around here so much now, but I met so many lovely people on this forum and I want to thank you all for being (dare I say it?) my friends - in an online capacity at least.
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