Today the brightest star in my sky went out, Zephyr has gone to the rainbow bridge.
She hasn't really been herself for some time but still had her moments, racing around her cage, begging for treats & running in her wheel so I don't think she was really suffering in any way although of course I'll always wonder, I'm sure I did my best for her but I'll still torment myself with what if's & maybes, that 's just something I'll have to live with for a while I guess.
She was quieter than usual yesterday evening & actually refused a piece of cheese, she normally do anything for cheese but came out again & was running in her wheel when I went off to bed.
Unusually but not for the first time she didn't come out for food this morning, I spotted her up in one of her hammocks but she didn't seem to want to say hello so I left her be for a while.
Eventually she came down for a drink & immediately I knew something was wrong, she was so weak she was struggling even to drink.
I took her out of her cage for safety & to keep an eye on her until I could get to the vet & she fought so hard right up to the end, I kept thinking she was going at any moment but again & again there was just a little spark of life, I held her for hours & she took small amounts of water from her bottle if I held it for her but even that was a struggle. She just wanted to rest in my hand even though she appeared barely conscious she would struggle to get back to me when I put her down so I just held her close & spoke to her gently.
I kept telling her it was ok to go, of course I didn't want her to but I just wanted to reassure her she didn't have to hang on & suffer if she needed to go.
At the vet's we discussed all sorts of possible problems, investigations & treatments but I really didn't want my little angel to suffer while I tried to get her strong enough (& how that would have been possible I don't know as she refused all food & only managed a tiny amount of water) only to undergo invasive procedures, I don't know if she was in pain, her breathing was laboured, she lost a small amount of blood from some internal organ, her liver was enlarged & I could only think it would be totally unfair to let her go on that way in the hope I might have her with me for longer.
It's always such a hard decision to make & I don't think it's ever been harder than today but I had my baby PTS so now at least she is resting peacefully.
She's lying in her favourite hammock & tomorrow I will find a special place for her in the garden.
She was such a special girl, words just fail me, how so much character could be squeezed into such a tiny ham is beyond me.
She was so full of life for her all too short time, the funniest, sweetest cheekiest girl I could ever have wished for.
I can't even begin to do her justice with mere words or express just how heartbroken I am, I will miss her so very, very much but she will forever live on in my heart.
Sorry if I ramble on or make little sense, I'm so raw & crying so much I can barely see right now.
I never did quite capture that cheeky face peering out of her hammock waiting for me, it will be forever captured in my heart but this is the closest I managed to get.
Just a few random shots of some of the numerous happy times I will always remember
She'll always be my beautiful sweet elf girl now
Sleep well, play well & run free my angel, Ziggy & Teek will be waiting for you at the rainbow bridge.
Zephyr, my brightest star.
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