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Old 06-13-2020, 09:36 AM   #1
Snail
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Default How do you educate people kindly?

Since doing my research when I first got a hamster I now find it really disturbing to see them being cared for badly or just neglected. I try my best to dm someone privately and send them a message which I usually check over a few times and ask my friends if it seems okay beforehand because having ASD I can come off as quite blunt but a lot of the time I get yelled at or even publicly shamed for it.

I dont know if this is an appropriate thing to ask on this forum but Im really struggling with it and I dont know if I should even bother at all? I do get being defensive but I told someone today to try to not to let their dogs be so close to their hamster as they were holding the hamster (which looked very stressed) towards the dog as the dog sniffed it and looked like it was about to eat it and they were fine over dms but then blocked me and made a lot of horrible tweets about me. I had 2 friends check over my messages before and they said they looked absolutely fine.

I wanna know if anyone else has had any bad or good experiences like this and whats the correct way to go about it or even if I should just not message people at all?
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Old 06-13-2020, 10:51 AM   #2
Pebbles82
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Default Re: How do you educate people kindly?

It is very very difficult and one problem with messages is people interpret them in their own way - as they don’t hear a tone of voice or see a facial expression. Emoticons can help with that sometimes but even that can be interpreted differently and it means selecting the right one carefully. I am terrible with my phone keypad and accidentally adding an unintended emoticon! At the moment a giant unicorn keeps appearing in some of my messages accidentally. I have no idea what that might say to someone else! But thankfully it has only happened with friends and family.

But back to messages - some people take it as criticism and get offended. Nothing to do with your message and more about the kind of person they are.

However choosing words carefully and a friendly emoticon could help. Being briefed with strangers isn’t accepted the same way as it is with people who know you (and even with people who know you there can be misunderstandings.

An example might be

“I saw the photo of your lovely hamster. I also keep hamsters and have gradually learned a lot about these sensitive little creatures. I hope you don’t mind me sharing some knowledge but hamsters, as prey animals, can feel huge stress if they are in the proximity of a dog, cat or other animal. And stress can lead to illness and anxiety for them. I apologise if you already know this and it may be that your dig near the hamster was a one off or that they are actually used to each other and the dog has a gentle personality. I just wanted to carefully let you know that even the friendliest dog can be a bit scary to hamsters. I hope this is taken in the way intended - care from a fellow hamster lover. It is by no means intended as criticism. Smiley icon or bunch of flowers icon maybe.
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Old 06-13-2020, 10:54 AM   #3
LunaTheHamster1
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Default Re: How do you educate people kindly?

Ha, I wrote a thread about this after I had a run in with a vet on a facebook page.

advice about when to give advice

I think it depends on you as an individual if you can cope with people answering you back (let's face it none of us like being told we are doing something wrong). Some people will take it on board and some people won't. I get very upset with confrontation and take things to heart so I very rarely say anything these days and I am chronically ill and just can't do with the stress. If I was healthy and well I would probably do more about it.

If they follow you on social media, you could try to lead by example in what you do and show with your own hamsters, hoping that those that are willing to change will.

If animal care is really bad I have reported cases to PETA or reported them on the appropriate socail media channels.
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Old 06-13-2020, 11:11 AM   #4
Engel
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Default Re: How do you educate people kindly?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Snail View Post
Since doing my research when I first got a hamster I now find it really disturbing to see them being cared for badly or just neglected. I try my best to dm someone privately and send them a message which I usually check over a few times and ask my friends if it seems okay beforehand because having ASD I can come off as quite blunt but a lot of the time I get yelled at or even publicly shamed for it.

I dont know if this is an appropriate thing to ask on this forum but Im really struggling with it and I dont know if I should even bother at all? I do get being defensive but I told someone today to try to not to let their dogs be so close to their hamster as they were holding the hamster (which looked very stressed) towards the dog as the dog sniffed it and looked like it was about to eat it and they were fine over dms but then blocked me and made a lot of horrible tweets about me. I had 2 friends check over my messages before and they said they looked absolutely fine.

I wanna know if anyone else has had any bad or good experiences like this and whats the correct way to go about it or even if I should just not message people at all?
I too have ASD and come off very blunt. It's a very real 'problem'. The way I see it, it's best to just say what you mean and mean what you say rather than dance around the subject. Although, some people don't appreciate being told things as they are. I have offended so many people for just saying how it is.

I don't bother trying to help people UNLESS they ask. They're more likely to take it on board then. I really only talk about hamsters on this forum and try and help those who ask.

Dogs should be kept away from hamsters! I have 3 dogs, only one of which is allowed upstairs. If all hamsters are in their cages she can come in. She doesn't bother with them doesn't go close to the cage even when they're moving about. However as soon as I go to take the hamsters out she gets out the room and I close my door.

I've seen videos and pictures of people letting they're hamsters and dogs 'meet'. It's a big no no. At the end of the day dogs are still predators even if they're domesticated. It's not safe and irresponsible.

That being said I'm sure people here would disagree and say I too am irresponsible for even letting my dog in the room that the hamsters are in.

My advice is to only message people who ask for help as infuriating as it is for our minds. I purposely don't follow hamster accounts on social media because of this reason with the exception of those on here who have hamster accounts.
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Old 06-13-2020, 11:29 AM   #5
Snail
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Default Re: How do you educate people kindly?

She said that she let the hamsters near the dogs like that ‘only like 5 times’ as if it wasnt a big deal. In the end she ended up sending me some really horrible dms and is now blocked! I think Im gonna try avoid it as much as possible but the way she reacted made me feel so terrible. My original message was very similar to the example serendipity7000 suggested with plenty of emojis including heart ones aswell as telling her I didnt want to come across as rude in any way. I think some people are really bad at taking any sort of advice whatsoever and it can be really dangerous especially if the actions are potentially life threatening for that animal as in this case it could be.

There have been a few cases where I’ve desperately wanted to report them to animal services but dont know the correct method as I am in a different country which can be very worrying. I find with having a lot of mental health issues which affect me in physical ways when I get anxious that it can really negatively effect me when they respond in ways like this but I can be just as distraught when I dont say anything at all.

The most insulting part was that my friend, who helped me write out my messages, confronted them saying the exact same things I said and the girl listened to her and told me I was very rude and attacking her despite it being the same message. She was swedish so there could’ve been a language barrier but its definitely one of the worst encounters I’ve ever had! Ive also had a lot of negative experiences with very popular instagram hamster pages who refuse to change their care even after learning! Its a very stressful experience all round and has really taken a toll on me mentally.

I think Im definitely gonna try posting subtle things about hamster care rather than outright calling people out from now on aswell as only directly messaging people who ask for advice because there’s some people who just take everything very badly
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Old 06-13-2020, 11:47 AM   #6
LunaTheHamster1
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Default Re: How do you educate people kindly?

All I can say is that Twinkle my syrian was given to the rescue becasue he upset the dog in the 2nd household he ended up living in!!!! The dog wouldn't stop barking at him and had access to the cage. No wonder it took me nearly 2 months to try and tame the poor thing.
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Old 06-13-2020, 12:40 PM   #7
Snail
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Default Re: How do you educate people kindly?

That poor baby!!! Im glad they got a good home with you in the end. Some owners dont realise that hamsters dont tend to wear their emotions on their faces like other animals do. I had my hamster downstairs one time and my dog barked in the other room a bunch and the poor thing started squeaking in fear and it took me a while to calm him down. Hamsters are solitary animals which includes all other types of animals regardless of the individual owners wishes!
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Old 06-13-2020, 04:36 PM   #8
Pebbles82
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Default Re: How do you educate people kindly?

It is very upsetting when you have been attacked on social media in the way this person responded. If you look at Lima’s link above I said on there that I had had a bad experience of that once - even though different circumstances - my account had been hacked by a troll. I am probably lucky in just not coming across these things as don’t use social media much. But I can understand it’s upsetting to see inappropriate hamster situations on these things and want to advise. I guess these people feel criticised because no-one likes to feel they have done something wrong. But despite her reaction I bet she took on board what you said.

I think the other suggestion of phrasing things factually was good - in Luna’s link. Avoiding “I” and “you”.
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Old 06-14-2020, 06:48 AM   #9
Snail
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Default Re: How do you educate people kindly?

Thats an awful thing to have happen Im sorry! Yeah she agreed with what I said in the end and agreed to stop doing it but didnt stop harassing me and is still putting up posts along the lines of ‘people who always think they’re right are the actual worst’. I think a lot of us like to believe we’d never do anything that harms our pets but sometimes we are misinformed and its about accepting what you’ve done wrong and making sure to improve care in the future. Even if she is still treating me awfully I’m glad I talked to her because it at least looks like she’s going to change her ways
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