Please help me sort my feelings out and decide...

[Oatmeal_Cupcake]

I need help figuring out what to do.

Almost three years ago, I found out about a local breeder in my area. I've been wanting a hamster from them ever since I found out about them. This was after getting my second hamster. Originally, I had decided that I was going to get a hamster from them after my oldest died. I however decided to not get another hamster so i could focus on the one that I had left. Time has passed and he's now 2 years and 8 months old. He's starting to show more signs of age and I really don't know how much time he has left. He's been surprising me so far. Sometimes I think he's not going to make if through the night and then he's still here a week after. Regardless, he's on borrowed time and he will pass...

So I contacted the breeder and they have some pups available for the end of the month. For some reason, I decided to ask around about the breeder. Overall, things could be better but they're alright. I was disappointed after hearing this because I had been looking forward to it for years. So then I started looking at shops, ads, shelters. Ads and shelters are a no-go with Christmas being around the corner.

So I sent an message to the breeder yesterday and asked how the pups were coming along. They were able to tell me the expected color and hair length. They aren't colors that I've ever been thrilled about ever since I started owning hamsters. The colors are ok but they aren't something that capture me. Anyways, I still showed interest and got some more information. So far I'm still in agreement to come by to get one and am considered a serious adopter. This all happened right before and during my visit to the pet shop.

At the pet shop, I saw a cute hamster that seemed to have a quirky personality. He didn't chew on the sides of the glass, he dove into his food bowl and kinda turned inside of it before grabbing a piece and eating it. He would rub himself on the glass and his tube and run on his wheel. I asked to see him and they said that he was really docile and they were surprised to see him back after a family said that he wasn't a good fit. The color is alright. It's also not a color that has popped out at me before but he's alright. He didn't mind me picking him up but you could tell that he would need some hand taming just to get used to being held. Slippery little guy.

So here is the overall dilemma. My current hamster is old and I don't know how much time he has left. A big part of me wants to continue to focus on his well being. However, his current schedule consists of getting up for and hour or two while I'm at work, I've got a nanny cam on him. When I get home, I only wake him up to give him a check up. I've tried waking him up to spend time with me and he's fallen asleep on me. So, I let him sleep and interaction is very minimal. So technically, I would be able to still focus on my current hamster and another.

Second dilemma, I feel like because I've shown so much interest to the breeder that I'm committed to getting one from them. Nothing has been set in stone, but I feel like a flake if I tell them I changed my mind and I don't want to be on bad terms with them because I do want to adopt from them in the future. I've also messaged them a couple times because I've had interest in adopting but I'm not sure they remember me. The other thing is that if I get one from the breeder, I have an idea of the age and I can tame him at a younger age. My current hamster could also pass in between now and the end of the month so I would be able to focus on my current hamster 100%

I don't know what to do... I need some suggestions. I don't want the source of a pet shop or a breeder to be the determining factor because right now, according to conversations I have had, they are both.... for lack of a better word, conventional, however, it has been said that one would choose the breeder over the shop. So I don't want where they're coming from to be a deciding factor.

Do I nab the hamster from the shop that has a quirky personality and is a little older even though my current hamster is still alive? Or do I wait for a baby hamster that I haven't seen yet and know nothing about? While I feel like I should nab the pet shop one, I can't help but wonder if I'm passing up on something better.

[Pebbles82]

It's so hard isn't it. Easier to look at from the outside So what jumps out at me is - you have seen a hamster in a pet shop and fallen for him - so get him. You will have time for both hamsters. I'm sure you'll spend enough time with your old little guy and he won't feel neglected and it might be interesting for him with another hamster in the house and spark some interest.

I think if you wait till your old little guy has passed - you will feel different - it's always upsetting and all sorts of feeelings - and won't want another one straight away - so it would then be a case of getting one before you were ready (ie from the breeder) or having to wait longer until it felt right.

So my gut feeling is - get the one from pet shop - it sounds like you two have got to know each other a bit. And write a careful email to the breeder saying you would like to be removed from the waiting list please as the timing isn't right just now but you would very much like to be considered in the future if that's ok.

It is ok to do that - it's not like leaving it till the last minute. And if the breeder is an ok person she will accept that and appreciate you didn't leave it too late. If she is miffed well I wouldn't want to deal with someone who gets like that. The worst thing for a breeder is someone who just either doesn't turn up to collect at all, or changes their mind at the very last minute.

As for taming - I don't think that is an issue - they all have different personalities and a pet shop hamster could be tame in a week or a couple of months - depends. But it's just a timescale thing really. I would say either get the one from the pet shop now - or get both! ie the one from the pet shop now and the one from the breeder when its available - because then you have had that continuity of hamster owning without a gap when your old little guy passes - and who knows he could live to a ripe old age.

Would you have space for three? If not - then make your apologies to the breeder and get the pet shop hamster. Timing not right is enough explanation.

[Burakki]

I agree with Serendipity. With pets it’s always the matter of feeling and falling in love. If you feel that it’s your little soulmate, go for it. You can’t be sure about having the same feelings for the one you haven’t even seen yet, but being a breeder ham, he’ll be more likely to still get a good home, while hams from pet shops have less luck, as many people buy them without seriously thinking about providing them with proper care.
But even without the possible fate part of the story, I’d say get the one you feel a connection with. If the breeder is a good person, she’ll understand everything. Plans change, it’s only normal.

[cypher]

I can't really add much to what's already been said, I agree it does sound as though the little guy in the pet shop is right for you & the time is right too, follow your heart & try not to over think things!

[Oatmeal_Cupcake]

Thank you... it's been a hard day. I still can't decide. I've been wanting to cry and I've gotten a headache from it all. Gosh, It's such a childlike response and I'm not proud of it. It's just tough. I've wanted a hamster from the breeder for so long and now I'm thinking of passing up on it. What if I pass up on something great? Or what if I pass up on the pet shop hamster and that one is something great? Argh... I want them both but I'm not so sure how good I would be at having two again. I work 40 hours a week and one of those days is spent doing a side job. I hardly have the energy to clean the house. I'd be a mess. Or at least I think I would be a mess.

Part of me wants to forget both hamsters and get a different pet. Being indecisive doesn't help. Argh....

[Pebbles82]

Sounds like you need a good night's sleep xxx I know I had a few ups and downs thinking about another hamster. We have two now - a Syrian and a Robo - it isn't any more work than one really, as long as you have a cage. Although you could have 3 at the same time. Newt (Syrian) comes out about every 3rd night for 20 mins or so. Nugget (Robo) is almost impossible to get out but happy in his cage. I feed them at the same time so it's easy - a quarter of a slice of cucumber each or whatever and water and ham food topped up.

A baby hamster needs a bit more attention at first - they're so fast. Newt is now 7 months (I can't believe it!) and quite laid back. For the first few weeks he was clamouring to come out each night and I had a playpen set up and he'd just run around in there and on the spare wheel.

Taming two could be extra work, although it maybe would be at a later date.

I would suggest - however much you want a breeder ham - that waiting would be an idea. Get the little guy you fell for in the pet shop. When your old little guy passes on then put your name down for a breeder hamster. If the one in the pet shop has gone then that lessens the decision but adds to the frustration!

We can't predict everything - hamsters aren't always available at the right time and we don't know how long they will live, so maybe just try and relax - otherwise you get analysis paralysis!

I think pen and paper can help with these things. Write it down or write a list - how it would work with 2 or 3 - you get ideas when writing things down and it helps to see what's feasible and workable.

Could be a bit crazy with two baby hams and a little old guy and a full-time job. And a stressed you wouldn't be good for the hamsters either.

I have fallen for hamsters online for adoption, thought about it and then it's too late - then searched for more, not found anything, then found something and the ad is out of date.

You have four options basically.

1) Email breeder and ask if you can wait for one of her litters in the future and get the petshop hamster.
2) Get the petshop hamster and the breeder hamster and accept you may have three at the same time.
3) Do nothing for a week. Then it will be decided for you Pet shop hamster will most likely have gone and too late to pull out with the breeder.

I sometimes think doing nothing is the best option if you're stuck. Either that or being spontaneous and that helps make the other decisions.

At the back of it all you're probably feeling a bit emotional about the stage your little old guy is at - it's hard seeing them age and decline and wondering what will happen and when. Very hard. So maybe that is what's making it hard to decide. It's why I didn't get another one before Charlie died. Although I wish I had in hindsight because it felt much more of a loss when there was no hamster to look after as well as losing a loved pet. So I would get another hamster now. Whichever one you get.

When you're trying to decide between two very different things there is no comparison really and it becomes an impossible choice so then it's almost toss a coin, be spontaneous or do nothing xxx

[Oatmeal_Cupcake]

Thank you very much! All of this has helped a lot! Thank you so much!