Missing my little girl

[Mrs Livingston]

.... Just that, really. I miss her so much and I feel so much guilt that I wasn't there as she took her last breath. There's such a huge hole in my heart and I can't help but stare into her cage or leave her some carrot or rice forgetting that she's not there anymore. I know you all know how I'm feeling I just need to get it off my chest. X

[Bec]

I am so sorry and completely understand how you are feeling. After losing Neptune, which was difficult, I was fine one minute and in bits the next, they have such a huge impact and all I can say is, it does get easier.....I did a garden memorial, planted a daisy where he's laid at rest, and also a framed picture up. I started to look at memories with happiness and knew we gave a good life, which you did for Maddy....the greatest life.

Take each day as it comes and remember we are all here on HC x

[Mrs Livingston]

Thank you, Bec. The support on here means so much to me xx

[Pebbles82]

Big hugs. If I might suggest something that they say to bereaved elderly people sometimes (not suggesting you are elderly by the way). Which is put reminders out of sight to help you heal. So it could help to put the cage out of sight away somewhere. If you don't feel ready to clean it out yet just move it as it is. Something like this worked for me once. A counsellor actually suggested I don't try and decide what to throw and what to keep and what to do with things, just to put them all up in the loft and then get them out at some point in the future when the decisions would be easier. Not that you'd want to put a hamster cage full of stuff in the loft - but maybe in a spare bedroom. Make the change in the room where the cage was. xxx

[Mrs Livingston]

That's a great suggestion, but she was in a detolf that was the feature of the room. My partner is cleaning the whole cage out tomorrow and we've covered it up so we can't look in expectantly. I might try some of your suggestions though and try and make the detolf a shelf or something to stop the association. Thanks Serendipity xx

[Rads]

Sorry to hear how you feel, I wasn't with Forrest when he had his one and only vet visit, I was at work many miles away, and I felt so awful it was untrue.
But I got a new little friend unintentionally on the same day,(we where going to wait a few weeks) and I am glad I did as Pip is becoming a real little character, feisty ,fun and fiercely independent..

[Thin Lizzy]

Oh Mrs L, I know exactly how you feel but please stop feeling bad because you weren't there for her last breath, Maddy knew how much you loved her,
Emotions will be all over the place. Like Bec said, One minute I was fine and the next I'd be sobbing my heart out. I still get upset now. A lot goes through your mind too and you find yourself asking all sorts of questions like was she happy, did she know, did she have plenty treats.
I kept thinking I could hear Twinkle on her wheel, or the bell ringing in one of her toys and hearing her drinking from her water bottle. And as for the food, I actually found myself putting some chicken and veggies in her bowl which made me cry. They're so small in size but have big hearts.
It's good to talk about your feelings, we understand completely because we've been there.
Sending you big hugs xxx

[Scarlett Empress]

I lost my girl 1st June and understand how you feel, it's so hard. Like you, I couldn't put the cage out of sight as it was too big - I cleaned it out right away because I knew I would keep looking in there and expecting to see her, and then I got started on getting it ready for a new occupant - I have totally changed it because I could not bear to think of another hamster sitting in Smokey's favourite places!

I took a lot of photos of Smokey and have felt comforted by looking through them, thinking of all that she fitted into her life and how much fun we had. I know that's kind of the opposite of Serendipity's suggestions, but I guess we all cope in different ways, sometimes it's just hard to work out what is the right way!

I was lucky that my work colleagues were all very kind and supportive when I told them Smokey had passed, I used to tell them about all her adventures - it was good to be able to talk about her even though I cried every time I told anyone! But it's great to have this forum where you know everyone understands exactly what a big hole they leave in our hearts.

[herbi7]

Aww, I understand how you are feeling.I lost my willow in January and it still gets me from time to time. We had a special bond and I struggled with having her cage around after she died... I kept expecting her to be there as it all looked the same and I kept checking her water bottle when I went past. It took me a while before I was ready to clear it out. All her stuff has now gone with a hamster I rescued to her new home so I kind of feel that was a good use for it. I still miss my little girl though... It does get better with time. I laid her to rest in the garden that goes with my flat even though I probably won't be here forever just because I wanted her close.

[Mrs Livingston]

You're all so wonderful and your messages and stories lift my spirits. A hundred thank yous for taking the time to share your experiences, you're all so appreciated. Thank you xx