Forgive me, my sweet Prince Lemon

[Burakki]

I haven’t been on the forum for a while and never did I think the the reason for my return would be so heartbreaking.

Last night my beautiful fluffy boy suddenly passed away. I have no clue what I did wrong and what could be the reason. He was absolutely fine on Tuesday night, being his curious active self. Yesterday I realized that he didn’t come out for his dinner. At about 1 am I checked him in his hideout. He was alive, but kinda sleepy and grumpy, so I lift him to sleep. At 4am I checked him again and realized that it was not just sleeping. He was alive but barely moving, and when I picked him up he was mostly like a rag doll. I immediately started calling emergency vet help, but they said that they didn’t have a ratologist on call, so I should wait until 7am to make an appointment.
At 7 am I came to check on Lemon again, at first I was sure that he was already dead, but he started moving and making coughing or vomiting sounds. I took him out to try and see what was going on, but he wasn’t coughing anymore. I could still feel his pulse. It was so slow, but it was there... and then it wasn’t. It’s as if he waited for me to take him out one last time before passing. I still remember how on Tuesday night he was asking to come out and I was so tired, so I told him “ tomorrow, I promise”. Well, I kept the promise only to have him die in my hand.

I don’t know what I did that killed him. He ate the same food as my other hamster, due to me being busy he wasn’t out of his cage the last couple of days, so he couldn’t have eaten something outside. I see only two reasons, the first being an unsuccessful fall after his favorite bar climbing activity, the second - our new chinchilla was jumping around his cage a week ago. What if its bollots fell in Lemon’s cage and he ate it? Could it have killed him? His body looked completely normal - no blood or injuries. Just wet fur around his mouth. He was so young - only 8 months...

I’ll never forgive myself for kinda neglecting him in favor of the chinchilla the last couple of months. But I loved him so very much, I can’t stop crying since 4 am.

Forgive me, my sweet Prince Lemon. Run as much as you want on the rainbow bridge. You were very much loved.

Two of the last photos I ever took of him:
https://c.radikal.ru/c43/1805/46/1507bd7ac43a.jpg

https://c.radikal.ru/c07/1805/d1/cfa408ef7fd6.jpg

[dreamtree1234]

Oh, no!!!! I can't stop crying as I am writing this. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw a thread posted by you in the memorial section. I am terribly, TERRIBLY sorry for your tragic loss of beloved Prince Lemon. He was a truly amazing ham with infinite personality, charm, charisma, and beauty. He was such a precious ham and loved by all who got the chance to know him through his entertaining thread. I know that he was incredibly lucky to have you as his loving and devoted mum just as you were fortunate to have him brighten your days with his love and adventures. I truly loved this little one and felt a real connection to him because of you kindly sharing the story of his amazing life with all of us on HC. He always made me smile. He will be greatly missed and will definitely live in our memories and heart always.

Although you have been extremely busy lately, I have no doubt that your darling heart-ham knew that he was truly loved and cared for by you. Your bond with each other was exceptional, and I truly believe that you have nothing to blame yourself for. There is absolutely no way that you could have done anything more for him to prevent this heartbreaking passing from happening. Sadly, sometimes our little ones just pass away, and there is no reason behind it except for it just being their time. I believe that he waited to pass peacefully in your hands because he wanted to spend his final moments surrounded by the love, tenderness, and comfort that you always showed to him. You made his passing easier for him, and his last moments were not alone because of you.

I am truly heartbroken for your loss and my heart definitely goes out to you during this very emotional and sad time. Please know that your handsome Prince Lemon loved you and would only want you to be alright. Remember all of the wonderful times (which are so many) and know that he will be looking down from the Rainbow Bridge on you with so much love and appreciation for all that you gave to him. He will live on in all of the many hearts that he captivated during his life thanks to you, and he will be your guardian fur angel in heaven. I know that your sweet and lovable Marti as well as your darling, new chinchilla will bring you much comfort. We are here for you. Huge hugs from me and whisker kisses from Eros. XXX

RIP, darling Prince Lemon! As always, you look so handsome, cute, and inquisitive in your last photos taken. You were truly special and will be loved always by so many. Please watch over your loving mum and send a gorgeous and heartfelt, rainbow message to her because she loves and misses you so. I know that you will visit your dear mum in her dreams and give her comfort to know that you are doing fine at the bridge. I am sure that you will be greeted by so many of your beloved friends at the bridge - including my beloved Snickers. May you have many grand adventures. Eros and I love you and will miss you.

[cypher]

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's always hard to lose a ham but when it happens so suddenly & unexpectedly it is even harder & it's only natural to think it must be something you've done when it really is most likely that's not the case & there's nothing you could have done differently, sadly this is something that does sometimes just happen & we can never know why.
You did your best for him & gave him a life of love.

Run free & play well at the bridge Prince Lemon.

[IamKat]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a ham suddenly is such an awful awful thing and it's natural to want to find some way in which you could have done things differently. However i believe this is one of those tragic and unavoidable instances where really there was nothing you could have done. He was a sweet lad and i'm sure your special bond with him was not at all influenced by your being a little busy lately. Time will lessen the shock and pain but i'm sure you will never forget the time you had together. Play well little one.

[Amethyst_ice]

I'm sorry for your loss, it is clear that you loved him very much.

I have lost hamsters at very young ages and without warning, it is quite often the way of it. They have such tiny little bodies, lots can happen and I highly doubt it was anything you did. I know it is easy to think that way and we want an answer but in time we just have to accept it.

Take comfort that he didn't suffer to long and if i'm speaking honestly, as horrible as it is at the time, to have a loved furbaby pass in your hands is such a special thing. I am always glad I was there for them, providing what ever warmth and comfort I could as they grew their bridge wings.

Play well lemon and hugs for you xxxx

[Burakki]

Thanks to everyone for your kind words and understanding. Lemon was not the first pet I lost but it was so sudden that it hit me harder than others, though I loved them all very much. I’m trying to convince myself that it wasn’t my fault, it doesn’t help that my ocd now drives me mad with triple checking Marti and everything I give her. I hope that it will go away soon... Today I had a presentation at school and it helped me to distract myself a bit. A good night’s sleep also played its role, as I was awake for almost 48 hours due to Lemon’s passing.

Lemon found its last home under a lilac tree in a park nearby in a box from Italian lemon scented soap. It had pretty lemon trees drawn on it. There were a lot of bright yellow dandelions where we buried him, so I think it’s symbolic. The park is right next to my house, so I’ll be passing it almost every time I’ll be going somewhere. I hope that stray dogs won’t disturb his peace, but I dug a pretty deep hole and put three huge stones on top of it, so I hope he’ll rest peacefully.

I still feel like a piece of my heart was ripped out and a cold hand is twisting my insides every time I think of him, but I’ll try to get through it. I’m thinking of having a tattoo of him to join tattoos of my late dogs. This was he’ll always be with me.

[BubbyandHamper]

I'm so sorry for your loss! I'm a first timer but even I know what it's like to lose your beloved, whether it be a human or an animal.

Rest in peace Prince Lemon and have fun at the Rainbow Bridge. :cry:

[Thin Lizzy]

I cried reading this about Prince Lemon, so unfair.
Burakki, you did nothing wrong, we all blame ourselves when our little hams die so young and so suddenly. We all know what you're going through and here to support you at this very sad time.
Prince Lemon was a fluffy beauty who was loved so much by yourself and us here.
Sending you big hugs xxx

[Burakki]

Thank you both for your understanding. That’s so incredible that this forum exists, and there are people who understand this pain. When you say that your hamster died to someone, they usually reply with “ so buy another one”, and that kills me.

Thank you all, beautiful people for helping me get through the loss of my precious boy.

[BubbyandHamper]

Thank you both for your understanding. That’s so incredible that this forum exists, and there are people who understand this pain. When you say that your hamster died to someone, they usually reply with “ so buy another one”, and that kills me.

Thank you all, beautiful people for helping me get through the loss of my precious boy.

You're very welcome Burrakki. This thread may be the only thread I see of him (being a new member) but I can tell he is very cute! Let Prince Lemon race faster than the others at Rainbow Bridge!

[dreamtree1234]

I totally understand the anguish of losing one that is so deeply loved, especially when they pass so unexpectedly and suddenly. I am so, SO sorry that you are going through all of this pain and heartbreak, Burakki. Although hamsters are so tiny, they fill our hearts with so much love and change our lives forever. Sadly, some people do not understand the magnitude of love we have for our little, furry family and believe that they are replaceable, but your strong feelings of love and loss are shared by us all here. I am sorry that some people aren't more comforting or compassionate, but maybe they just were not as fortunate to know the power of a hamster's love. We are here for you. I feel for you and send you lots and lots of hugs. I hope with all of my heart that you will find peace that you gave Prince Lemon the greatest life possible and he was so happy and loved. Hopefully, one day in the future some of your sorrow will turn into smiles as you think of your darling Prince Lemon. He really loved you and would want memories of him to bring you joy.

I think his final resting place sounds absolutely lovely. He would have loved the beauty of a lilac tree, being surrounded by vibrant dandelions, and having you stroll by him in the park everyday. He probably also would have thought it quite amusing that he is inside a lemon soap container, too - I could just imagine the sweetest glint in his eye at that. I'm glad that you found the perfect place to feel closer to him even though you will always keep him in your heart. Please take care of yourself and try to get some rest whenever possible. Take thinks one day at a time and know that we are here for you always. Hugs to you and cuddles to Marti and your chinchilla. Eros sends plenty of whisker kisses to all.

[Thin Lizzy]

Burakki, I too hate it when someone says "buy another one".
Prince Lemon's resting place sounds so beautiful.
This forum, has been wonderful for me over the years, knowing that others understand your feelings and know the right thing to say when going through a sad time. Hugs xxx

[BorisPasha]

Oh no Burakki, I was shocked when I saw the title of your thread but somehow it didn't register with me that he could be gone until I actually read your post.

How heartbreaking for you, he was a very adorable and very fluffy young man. As other have said please don't blame yourself. He had a lovely life with you and I am sure he was grateful that you were there to hold him at the end.

Sending you hugs x

Have fun at the bridge Prince Lemon x

[Burakki]

BubbyandHamper, If you want to see more of Prince Lemon, you can find his thread on the second page of Syrian hamster section. There are only six pages, but it's more than this.

dreamtree, since I got my Marti, I can't stop being amazing at how amazing there little creatures are. Despite being so small, they have so much to offer. Talking honestly, I even think that in some ways they are better than cats or dogs, especially when you're too busy to walk a dog or play with the cat. And especially when your mom can't stand fur on our furniture. Hammies are just amazing partners. They are there when you need them, they stay up with you all night, they are always open to something new and are just so curious. You can never grow tired of them. At the same time, if you just don't have time for them at the moment, they can busy themselves at their cages and you don't worry, that they'll destroy your sofa or start howling. I just feel so sorry for people who don't give their hamsters a possibility to shine by limiting them to tiny cages and never playing with them, seeing them only as living toys for their kids. I wish pet stores were more careful with who they sell pets to and which conditions for them they recommend. It just breaks my heart that so many hammies die everyday due to poor care and the owners just throw them away and get another one, who will probably end in the same way. Hamsters deserve better. All pets deserve better.

Lizzy, these people just don't understand a connection you can have with a hammy. They are wonderful creatures. This forum is so amazing, it's so amazing that you can get support here in something that other people just deem stupid. Really, the girls I considered close friends didn't even react to my message about how I buried him. That's so sad, and makes me grateful for this site.

BP, thank you very much for the support. I still sometimes think that it is just a bad dream, but then I enter the room and see the empty cage... I hope he didn't hold any grudge against me, and that he is running to his little heart's content up there in the rainbow wheel.

[dreamtree1234]

It is really disheartening and sad that your close friends didn't respond to your message about the resting place of Prince Lemon. Some people have difficulties when it comes to knowing what to say or do concerning death, but they could at least give you a hug or let you know that they are there for you in your time of sorrow. Hopefully, they will realize that your heart is breaking over the loss of your beloved little one and find a way to give you comfort and be there for you. I will definitely be wishing that they do. Hugs to you and please know that we are all here for you.

[BorisPasha]

I agree completely with what dreamtree said, it's very sad that your close friends haven't been there to support you :(

I really hope that they will let you know that they are there for you and if not you've always got us.

I'm positive that your lovely fluffy boy won't be holding a grudge Burakki. I'm sure he'll be meeting up with friends old and new and I expect my boys will be busy admiring his gorgeous fur xx

[souffle]

I am so sorry for your loss.
There was nothing you could have done - it was his time to be called. He went surrounded by your love.
Run free at the bridge Prince Lemon x

[SKB_Hamsters]

I am so very sorry and shocked to see this thread! It is so hard losing a hamster very suddenly and at a young age so my condolences go out to you. Take comfort in knowing that you provided Lemon with a such amazing loving home where he was spoilt and treated like true prince. Play well at the bridge Lemon.

[Burakki]

dreamtree, BP, it means so much that I can share this with you all. My friend told me that she was unsure how I'd react to her messages and decided that it's better not to bother me with constant messages and wait for me to contact her in case I needed her support. We haven't been friends for very long, so I guess I'll let it slide that she didn't know the best way to support me. The other two are not that close to me, so I guess they just didn't feel the need to.

BP, I imagine your boys touching Lemon's furry coat with amazed faces and him looking very proud of it, and it makes me smile. Thank you for this image!

souffle, thank you. It helps to know that I did everything I could, and I'm happy he wasn't alone during his last minutes...

SKB, I sure hope he felt like royalty during his short life. Thank you for the condolences. It's still hard to realise that he's not with me anymore, but I hope he's having fun up there on the rainbow bridge.

[dreamtree1234]

I'm so pleased that your friend reached out to you now and told you why she didn't contact you sooner. It is important that you are surrounded by lots of people who are supporting and comforting you during this time. Take care of yourself and always know that you have all of us here for you, too.

[Pebbles82]

It's the grief Burakki xxx We don't know what to say to people and hear things in a way that upsets us because we're grieving. Sometimes even your closest friends say the wrong thing and we feel angry or upset. Sometimes our closest friends feel hurt because we need time alone for our feelings - but a good friend should understand that, even if they don't know what you're going through. It's just time and things will come right.

I am so sorry about your gorgeous Prince Lemon. What I think is so special is that you talked to him just a few days before to say he would be coming out. So he clearly had your love and attention and I am sure did not feel neglected. I also think that, even if some Chinchilla droppings landed in his cage he would not eat them if anything he would probably throw them out! As non hamster poo which shouldn't be there.

Your special Prince Lemon just went because it was his time. So very sad it was such a short time and he maybe was born with some condition - possibly his heart. What is important is he had a lovely home and owner during his life and he clearly was bonded with you. I also think he was waiting for you, to go when you held him the last time.

I know the feeling of having part of your heart ripped out. It is painful but it will heal even though you will remember Prince Lemon. I heard a wonderful thing once - I can't remember where exactly - that when you have a loved one, you are joined by an invisible thread between your hearts. And when you lose that loved one, the thread is ripped in two - and your end of the thread is waving about lost - until eventually it withdraws in time and your heart is healed and still filled with love but no longer with pain.

Play well over the Rainbow Bridge Prince Lemon xxx

[Burakki]

dreamtree, thank you again! It means so much to have such good people here supporting me in times like these.

Serendipity, thank you so much for such a wonderful post. It makes it so much easier when you read such kind words. I start to believe that it really just was his time. He was a bit neurotic, to be honest. Even a tiny sound could make him jump to the ceiling, and he was just so hyperactive, running hours after hours, never stopping, so maybe his little fragile heart just couldn't take it anymore. My friend works in a hospice and says that she often sees patients die after their family comes to check on them, as if waiting for the last goodbye. I believe that Lemon knew how much I loved him to wait for my last goodbye as well. He will never be forgotten, and the words about an invisible thread perfectly describe my feelings right now. I hope the pain will go away with time, and maybe he will come to me in my dreams.

[Thin Lizzy]

I'm glad your friend has reacted to you. Some people find it hard to get upset over a pet, so they may come across as cold and uncaring.
But, you'll never get that here, because we're mad about our hamsters.

[Coco61]

The pain will ease Burraki even if the main question has no definite answer.
I lost my last boy on 31st Jan this year. He was just 4 months old. I was about to take him to the vet but I was too late. I have no answer to what happened to him. His name was Jeeves and his thread is Welcome to Jeeves! Now on page 2 of the Syrian hamster section. At the near end of the thread, I posted photos I took of a double rainbow not many weeks later. It seemed like a message of comfort from the rainbow bridge from my 2 boys there.
Now I have Maestro. He reached 3 months this weekend. I fuss a little anxiously but we are settling together and the sadness eases.
Let time do the same for you and feel no guilt over that. Just remember the best of your beautiful Prince Lemon. He really was gorgeous.

[dreamtree1234]

The pain of losing one so beloved as Prince Lemon will eventually ease over time. You will still have the ups and downs emotionally, but gradually you will be able to remember him with happier thoughts rather than sadder ones. There will be an ebbing and flowing of so many different emotions during the grieving process, but one day your pain will fade and the happiness and love that the two of you shared will take over and thoughts of him will make you smile instead of cry. Time has a wonderful way to heal your broken heart. Until then, just try your best to focus on all of the good time the two of you shared, enjoy your darlings Marti and Noir, and take care of yourself. I do believe that Prince Lemon will visit you in your dreams and give you comfort there. We are all here for you. Hugs to you, Burakki.

[BubbyandHamper]

I'm sure you will heal over time. I always have after being heartbroken. (Faster than normal people do!) Just remember he was the only Lemon, and that someday you'll see him again! Think happy thoughts, not sad thoughts.

[Turrican]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Just so unfair and sad. What a gorgeous ham he was, so handsome with that amazing long hair! So sad for him and you that it was his time to go. We all understand how much it hurts. It does ease slowly over time and as others have said, eventually you'll be able to think about the great times you had and feel less sad. Sending you virtual hugs. X