Seeking composure

[Sharvyn]

Last night my Syrian hamster passed away. I can't stop blaming myself since. I am seeking some composure and some explanations.

Last night I saw her lying motionless in her cage. She seemed sick. She did show signs for the past few days, but I assumed it was only a phase. She previously had a lump under her mouth, which I had checked by a vetenerian. It wasn't dangerous, I was told.

Last night, I tried to feed her water while she was lying in my hand. Her head was on her side. Her eyes were wide open, not blinking. Occasionally her body would jerk. It would jerk outwards from her back. At some point she opened her mouth, I dropped some water in her mouth from her water bottle. Seconds later she made a noise and then rigor mortis set it. Her body went stiff. I believe she choked on the water.

I am scared I caused her death. Am I to blame? Or was it the last time I got to feed her some water?

I am waiting for the rain to stop and then give her a good farewell.

[souffle]

You are not to blame Sharvyn. You did what most of us would have done in offering comfort when she was clearly very ill. The movements you describe are the breathing movements a small animal makes as it dies. The body is shutting down and the animal is unconcious and feels nothing as it prepares for it's next journey.
I'm sure she felt your love around her as she passed over and that her path was gentle.
Try and not dwell on how she passed as it was normal and nothing you or any vet could have done would have been able to save her at this stage.
You won't know why she passed. It could have been many things from a stroke to heart failure or an infection.
Try and remember the good times and the happy life you gave her.
Run free at the bridge little one x

[Pebbles82]

I am so sorry to hear your hamster has passed away. It is a very hard time. As Souffle says, you have done nothing wrong. It was her time by the sound of it and it also sounds like she had something going wrong inside, whether it was related to the lump in her mouth or not. I agree it sounds like she was dying and in her final stages - and she was lucky to be able to do that in her familiar home with you caring for her. So very sad. Our last Syrian passed away about this time last year and it really is quite a trauma when they are gone, and it is a normal reaction to feel guilty and wonder what you could have done differently.

She is playing free over the rainbow bridge now, free from pain. Have a look at these two threads - there are some links to information about pet bereavement that I think you will find helpful, becuase they helped me.

http://www.hamstercentral.com/community/memorials/68859-pet-loss-where-find-help-tips-comfort-loss-pet.html

http://www.hamstercentral.com/community/memorials/2371-rainbow-bridge.html

[dreamtree1234]

I am terribly sorry to hear of your beloved hamster's passing. Please do not question your final acts of love and care that you gave to your little one; you did what any loving hammy parent would have done in your case. Sadly, it just sounds like it was your hammy's time to pass to the bridge and nothing would be able to save the sweetheart at that point. You did everything you possibly could to give your ham the very best life possible, took the darling to the vet when you noticed the lump, and did all that was humanly possible to make the final moments as comfortable as possible. I am sure your hammy appreciated having you holding her and felt at peace knowing how loved she was by you. Please try your best to focus on all the precious moments that you shared and take the time to heal. You are definitely not to blame and your hammy loves you and would want you to find happiness. Hugs to you and know that we are here for you. RIP, darling, little ham. Have fun at the bridge and please send a very special rainbow message to you loving ham parent.

[Sharvyn]

Thank you all for the comforting words. It truly helps.

I would like to tell all you a little something. I am of Indian ancestry (those from India). It is believed that being able to feed water to a dying being at its last moment is the greatest deed one can accomplish in his/her entire life. It applies to all that breathes. I am hanging on to this as the most earthling thing one can do.

[Pebbles82]

That sounds like a lovely philosophy. Yes hang on to the thought of love.

[dreamtree1234]

Thank you for sharing your Indian belief with all of us. I think it is a wonderful one and is so full of compassion and love. Always keep that wonderful thought in your heart and know that you did a wonderful, loving thing for you darling ham. Take care.

[Thin Lizzy]

So sorry for your loss, you gave your ham a life of love and care and you are not to blame in any way. As owners we all go through a period of blaming ourselves and wondering why, it's all part of the grieving process. xxx