RIP Mushu

[AprilPearl]

I am in shock. I am crying as I write this. Mushu is dead. He's gone. Gone. And I don't know how or why, but it's my fault.

He was fine this morning. He ate porridge, a pumpkin seed, took his breakfast, even worked out how to gnaw dried sweet corn off his corn on the cob for the first (and last) time.

This evening, I was babysitting next door and had left my mum with directions to take Mushu out for floor time. She's done it before and everything has been fine.

Anyway, I got a call. It was my Mum. She says Mushu was fine when she took him out. He ate banana, groomed himself, had an explore. She turned to get his seed bar and when she turned back there was blood coming out of his nose and mouth. And, a second later, he was gone.

I don't understand it. I just don't. My mum blames herself. She says she must have picked him up wrong or accidentally kicked him or something - although she is certain she would have noticed doing either of those things and she didn't. But, I know this was my fault. I shouldn't have gone out. I should have been there. He must have been so afraid and in a lot of pain, even if it was only for a second.

His new cage came today. I was going to set it up so nicely for him and now he will never use it.

I couldn't believe what my Mum was saying until she showed me the body. There was so much blood. So so much blood. And he wasn't there anymore. He's really gone. And I killed him. I did this. Why did I leave? Why? I thought I was earning money towards more treats for him. Ha! In reality I was setting his death in motion.

If anyone can tell me what might have happened, it may help. His death wasn't anything like our other hamsters, who took hours to go and were clearly ill. This was so sudden and violent.

I don't know what I am going to do. I can't face the thought of another hamster now, or maybe even ever. I don't even want to go to sleep even though it hurts so much because that moment of escape won't be worth waking up, remembering that he's dead and having to get used to the pain and shock all over.

[kitty629]

My heart goes out to you. It sounds very tragic. Do not blame yourself you cannot be there every second.

[Drago]

AprilPearl, I'm so so sorry :( This is such shocking news

AP, this was in no way your fault. I don't like being clinical when consoling people, but it sounds to me as if something internally went wrong. I am sure it had absolutely nothing to do with you. You are a loving, caring, and extremely diligent ham parent and I know you'd never be at fault. Please do not blame yourself for what has happened. When I lost my first ever hamster, Remington, she died in the same way. I cried for so long and never wanted another hamster again. I was convinced that I had killed her somehow, I thought I had done something wrong and felt so guilty. However, when I spoke to my vet over what had happened, they shared that bleeding from the mouth/nose/rear is typically indicative of an internal issue that generally is unable to be detected.

It's crucial you understand that it's impossible for you to be there every moment, and Mushu knew that. Mushu had a special bond with you quite clearly, allowing you to stroke and hold him at any time. You gave him everything a hamster could ever ask for, and you loved him so much. He had a better life with you than he did in P@H and one he might have had if he had been adopted by anyone else.

Please take the time to heal and acknowledge your pain, but also know that you shouldn't blame yourself. Take care of yourself please, Mushu would like you to care for yourself as you did with him. If you ever need anything, everyone here has grown to love Mushu and will always be here for support X

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/Grief_Support_Center/Grief_Support_Home.htm
(This website really helped me through the loss of my dog and all my rainbow hams, please give it a try if you're feeling down)

Play well at the bridge little Mushu

[CMB]

Run free at the rainbow bridge Mushu. Sorry for your loss.

[dreamtree1234]

AprilPearl, I am extremely, EXTREMELY sorry for your terrible tragedy of losing beloved Mushu. I couldn't stop crying as I read your heartbreaking news. Mushu was a truly amazing and loving ham with so much character and personality. Everyone here on HC has grown to love him immensely, and I am in total shock that he has passed. As Drago said, he probably just had something internally wrong that you couldn't possibly have been aware of. Please, PLEASE don't blame yourself for his passing. You are an AMAZING person who loved, pampered, and cared for him with all of your heart. You can't be there for every second of the day and night, and even if you were, you wouldn't be able to stop this from happening either. Mushu loved you and your mum with all of his heart and wouldn't have wanted either of you to ever blame yourselves. It was neither your Mum nor your fault, so please try to find some peace knowing that you both always did absolutely everything humanly possible to give Mushu the greatest life ever. Although he wasn't with you as long as you had hoped, his life was totally full of happiness and love. He was a truly lucky hammy to be in the forever home that you and your mum gave to him. Please take care of yourself AprilPearl because Mushu would want you to be alright. Do it for him, your mum, yourself, and everyone else who cares for you. If you EVER need anything, please know that we are all here for you. Don't worry about what the future holds for you concerning whether or not you decide to get another hammy. Right now, it is so extremely important for you to just have time to mourn the loss of someone so special, and if and/or when the time comes for you to open your heart to another hammy in the future, you will know it and Mushu will pleased that you have another hammy to love and to love you. Dearest Mushu, rest in peace. Although you are gone, you will remain in all of the hearts and memories of those that you have touched, Mushu. You certainly were a very, VERY special fluffy! May you run free, happy, and healthy at the Rainbow Bridge. Please find some way to give your mum and grandmum a sign that you are alright and send them a little extra sunshine their way, too. I am sending you and your mum hugs, and Eros sends plenty of whisker kisses, too. My heart goes out to you all, and you are in my thoughts and prayers. :(

[Crystalroborovski]

AP, I am so incredibly sorry. I wish I could give you a big hug.

Please, please do not blame yourself. I know that you cared so much for Mushu and you wouldn't ever put him in harm's way. As drago mentioned it was probably something internal that went wrong and caused the bleeding. By going out and buying him some treats you, in no way, caused his death. It was not your fault, nor your mother's fault, nor anyone's fault.

You were such a great mother to Mushu- so caring and loving. I feel for you as I know how it hurts to lose a pet. Sending a million hugs your way. Play well at the bridge little Mushu x

[Thin Lizzy]

No! I burst into tears and I had to re-read it, AprilPearl, I'm heartbroken to read this about Mushu.
Sending you big hugs and to let you know I'm thinking of you.
Such a fright for your mum as he was fine and then not, please ensure you and your mum grieve together and comfort each other.
Mushu was the most fluffiest beautiful boy and he stole my heart. He was loved by all of us and I'm struggling to type because of the tears flowing down my face.
Please do not blame yourself, we all saw how much you loved him.
RIP Mr Fluffy Mushu gone way too soon XXXX

[cypher]

April this is such a terrible shock, I'm so very sorry, I think it's only natural that we question ourselves & blame ourselves when we lose a young ham so suddenly & unexpectedly but there is no way this was your fault.
I agree with Drago that there was very likely something internal that was wrong which you couldn't have known about that brought about his sudden end.

You were a wonderful Mum to your lovely Musha, you gave him so much love & the best life he could wish for, I don't think he could possibly have wanted for more, his life was cruelly short but it was a happy one, try to take some small consolation in that.
He will live on forever in your heart.

Run free & play well at the bridge Mushu.

[Pebbles82]

Oh April - such a shock and a trauma and so very sad. I am so sorry. Firstly - that much blood suggests, as Drago said, a sudden bleed - maybe internal. It sounds very much like it was just one of those awful things and probably genetic. If it had been an accident of some kind it would have been obvious and your Mum would have been aware.

Secondly. It's not your fault. That is a normal grief reaction to blame yourself - or someone else. It was a tragic event, but it is no-one's fault. We had a hamster 25 years ago that lived out his full life despite climbing curtains and jumping off, chewing electrical wires and jumping in a vat of punch. They are quite resilient. Mushu's passing sounds like a rupture of some kind. I don't suppose he would know much about it, as it sounds very sudden.

You need to look after yourself now - it takes time to accept and come to terms. And as people said to me, time is the healer. Of course you can't imagine ever having a hamster again now, but in time .......

I am so very very sorry. Don't worry about the cage - just put it away for now - and I am sure you will be glad you got it at some point and want to use it. It's not fair. But soon you will be able to remember the lovely moments. When they leave us it is so so hard, whether it is through sudden illness, or a long lingering decline needing a tough decision, as we had with Charlie.

You can sleep a bit tomorrow if you can't sleep now. Get some sleep and cry as much as you want. And then maybe think about a little funeral xxxx Over the next month or so just go with the flow - I found after 3 weeks or so that a week-end away really helped. You gave him so much love and care and he had a happy life with you. So hard it was cut short. But he is playing free over the rainbow bridge now, with Charlie.

[AprilPearl]

Thank you everyone. Your replies were so kind they made me cry. It really touches me to know that in his short life, so many people came to love Mushu too. I still don’t believe it. I want to go in to his room and look because part of me expects him to have made a miraculous recovery, but logically I know he is gone and I don’t want to see him all... Broken.

I might not be around here so much now, but I met so many lovely people on this forum and I want to thank you all for being (dare I say it?) my friends - in an online capacity at least.

[cypher]

It takes time for the realisation to really sink in I know, it takes time to grieve too so take all the time you need but remember we're here for you *hugs*

[Fluffagrams]

I'm so sorry to hear this AP, I really am but please don't blame yourself. I know that it's so easy to do in times like this but I agree with what some of the others have said, that something probably went wrong internally and unfortunately I don't think these sort of things can be prevented.
Mushu knew just how much you loved him and how much he meant to you.

Cherish the happy times you spent with him and his memory will live on.

[Jennie F]

April, I am so so so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for hun. I'm lost for words.

I and everyone here knows how much you loved Mushu and lots of us loved him from afar as well. He was the most glamourous hamster I have ever known. You have given myself and everyone here a brief glimpse of the moments you shared together that were beautiful and very special, so you must have a wealth of loving times of your own to draw on and remember the adorable little floof. You took fabulous care of him and were always thinking of his needs and doing right by him and that is the best indicator that you were a loving and attentive parent. It sounds like, as Drago and many other have said, that it was something out of anyones control and there is no possible way anyone could have known.

Take as long as you need to grieve and remember all the loving times you and your mum had with your wonderful boy. Everyone grieves in different ways, but I hope you take care of yourself as Mushu would have wanted his equally fabulous ham mum to.

I like to think that animals are here to allow us to experience feelings and lessons in life from a new perspective. Pets especially allow us to form bonds and learn about unconditional love and responsibility. Who knows, maybe our hammies have the same mission in life? Mushu chose you and you chose Mushu. To be part of each others lives and teach each other about love, laugh together and learn new things together. However short your time together may have been, you both have wonderful memories of each other and a love that will live on forever inside your hearts. x x x x x

[souffle]

I'm so very sorry AprilPearl.
It's not your fault my sweet - it is nobodies fault. Some are taken young from from us but that is their destiny. We want answers but sometimes we never get them.
I think the most likely cause is that he was born with a weak artery probably in the chest somewhere and that this ruptured as he was out playing. It would have been instant and he would have been unconcious in seconds from the blood loss so don't fret about pain. He would already have been flying free.
Remember him as the beautiful hammy he was and accept he was meant to stay with you for only a little while but he lived a lifetime of love in that time.
Play well at the bridge Mushu x

[BorisPasha]

Oh AP I'm so so sorry, what an absolutely horrible shock for you and your Mum. My heart goes out to you both.

Mushu was a very special little man-ham. He stole a bit of my heart from the very first pictures you shared of him. He was a very loveable little guy and I know how much you adored him, you loved him unconditionally and he loved you back and nothing can ever change the special bond and love you had for each other.

I don't really know what to say, it's just so heartbreaking. I hope you can take comfort knowing that you always did your very very best for Mushu, he wanted for nothing and he had a fantastic life with you. What happened is in no way you or your Mum's fault.

Big hugs to you AP, wish there was more I could say or do to makes things better for you. I'll miss Mushu and I'll miss you too but it's completely understandable that you might need to take some time out while you grieve. You need to do what's right for you. As others have said we're all here for you, take care of yourself xx

Mushu, you were such a fluffy bundle of fun and you'll be missed terribly. Have fun at the bridge little man xx

[flowerfairy]

Oh AprilPearl not lovely lovely Mushu. I am so so sorry. How utterly heartbreaking.

Try to take some comfort from the fact that he had enjoyed a lovely breakfast lovingly prepared by you and that he died quickly and during a lovely playtime.

I do hope that one day you will be able to offer a home to another (very lucky) hamster. Take good care of yourself and know that you have brought a lot of joy not only to Mushu but to all of us on here who loved him so much.

RIP sweet golden fluffy shining Mushu. Light up the rainbow bridge with your radiant beauty.

[AprilPearl]

Thank you all. I can't tell you how grateful I am to have this forum to turn to right now. I sincerely hope you are right and that it wasn't my fault and he didn't suffer much. I'll always wonder now if there is anything I could or should have done differently, but I know in my heart that I did the best I could for him. If he was destined to die young, then at least I hope I gave him a happy home while he was with me.

I just remembered that I took this photo of him yesterday morning when he learnt how to chew his dried sweetcorn cob properly. That's how I want to remember him, and how I want you to remember him too. Happy, inquisitive, full of life.

http://i667.photobucket.com/albums/vv38/TTWNGCBC/20170607_074848_zps6r4spf8w.jpg (http://s667.photobucket.com/user/TTWNGCBC/media/20170607_074848_zps6r4spf8w.jpg.html)

[Vectis Hamstery]

That's a beautiful photo of Mushu and a great memory. He looks so bright and busy with his sweetcorn.

It's heartbreaking and unfair that he was taken so soon, but I'm glad that since he had to go it was quick and he would not have suffered. It's clear from your posts how much you cared for him and what a lucky little lad he was to find such a loving home.

Run free, wee Mushu xxx

[BorisPasha]

It's a beautiful pic of Mushu AP, sums him up perfectly xx

[Thin Lizzy]

AprilPearl, I understand that you will need time to grieve your fluffy beautiful boy, I consider you a friend and I'm here for you anytime.
We at HC have all felt your loss deeply and have been through the grievance of losing our very special hams.
You'll go through tough times, some days will be good, others bad, but, let the tears flow my dear friend and take comfort in us and Mushu's beautiful thread.
Every pic you posted of your fluffy beauty Mushu always brought a huge smile to my face.
XXX

[dreamtree1234]

AprilPearl, I know that this time will be so extremely painful for you, and you will be flooded with so many strong emotions and questions that may remain unanswered. This is all very natural, and it takes time to heal a broken heart. I definitely understand that you may need to be away from HC while you give yourself time to heal since each of us have to go through the mourning process in our own special way, but I want you to always remember that we are all here for you and your mum. I most definitely consider you my friend, and I will miss both you and Mushu very, very much. Beloved Mushu's picture of him eating his sweet corn is truly precious, and I agree that he would have wanted us all to remember him that way. Take great care of yourself, AprilPearl, and know that you will ALWAYS have tons of friends and people who truly care for you and your family at HC. You and your mum are definitely in my prayers, and I am sending you both tons of hugs. We love you, Mushu.

[Hamsterita]

Tomorrow morning I was having breakfast and as I usually do I started to read HC. The moment I read this thread title I was shocked, I couldn't believe it, I had to read the post two times to completely understand that it was true. It's always hard to lose a loved one, but it's even harder when it's so soon. So I can't possibly imagine how are you feeling.

Unfortunately, things happens, and sometimes there's no one to blame, like this time, it's not your mother's fault, and it's not your fault, this was meant to be and probably there's nothing that you could have done to save him.

Seek comfort thinking that he probably didn't suffer, that it was a quick death while he was doing something that he loved, and that you provided him the best life that he could have wished for, and that he was dearly loved by you, your mom, and a lot of HC members. He will remain forever in our memories, and that way a piece of him will survive forever, and that's thank to you and your love for him.

I'm sure that he was very proud of his mom and that he would wanted you to be happy.

Take the time that you need to grieve, and if you decide to come back, we will be here waiting for you. Anyway, it was really nice meeting you and Mushu.

[Pebbles82]

It will take time to sink in and get over the shock. I think it helps once you've had a little funeral. Charlie is in our back garden in his own little flowerbed and there are currently primroses and geraniums growing from it, and one of these to mark his grave.

Access Denied (http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Personalised-Pet-Memorial-Cat-and-Paws-Rainbow-Bridge-Door-for-Garden/182606391564?_trksid=p2047675.c100011.m1850&_trkparms=aid%3D222007%26algo%3DSIC.MBE%26ao%3D1%2 6asc%3D43781%26meid%3D164d5705bb7f49fa94ec3a0d652a ff83%26pid%3D100011%26rk%3D6%26rkt%3D12%26sd%3D262 718644239)

It helps accept they have gone. Or local vets offer an individual cremation service and you can have the ashes in a pot and bury the pot and mark the grave that way.

It's hard to think about but it helps you accept he had a wonderful little life that was tragically cut short and he is now at the rainbow bridge.

In time I am sure you will welcome another little furry friend - you might want to think about a hamster from a breeder where the genetics are known. It is only four months since our beloved Charlie died, and yet now we love our new little fur baby - and he's a different character and personality xxx

All I would say is let it all out. Cry, punch a pillow, write it down. I had to bottle it up for a while when we had people in the house and I felt much worse later.

[flowerfairy]

I buried both Woodstock and then Flower in large pots with a plant in to remeber them by. Hope you find a suitable resting place for Mushu.

[Coco61]

Oh April Pearl I could not believe this. Sorry to be late but I have been at work.
Mushu was such a beautiful boy. Quite exceptional with his beautiful coat and lovely character. You created a thread for him that had so many followers and contributors. He touched the hearts of so many of us here across all the generations.
I am absolutely certain that neither you nor your mother did anything wrong. Soufflé's experience is the best. Please accept that and do not blame yourself. I have lost so many pets over my life and comforted my daughter through the loss of hers ( She is a few years older than you). Yes it is hard. But if you are an animal lover and you are clearly a very caring owner, then sadly this will happen many times. It does not get easier but it is better that our lives are enriched by these little fellows than not let them enter our hearts.
My daughters 4 hamsters (owned as an adult) are buried in a pot with a Rose bush. We take care of it as she lives in a flat. One day it will go with her to a permanent home.
Create a memorial for Mushu to honour him and comfort you. His thread on HC is one for all of us.
Grieve for him and don't feel guilty. *Big hug * from London.
Rest inPeace beautiful boy and play happily with those from HC who have gone before. Look back across the bridge and send your Mum a kiss on a rainbow.

[AprilPearl]

I have quite honestly been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love for Mushu and support and comfort for me that I have received here. I cried most of today, but your messages have prevented me completely going to pieces. When I created this thread, I wholly expected to be taken to account for his death by you all - not because I think you are horrible people, but because I was so convinced that is what I deserved. I couldn't ask for a nicer group of friends to help me through this, and I sincerely hope that I haven't seemed to be attention grabbing.

Many of you have suggested some sort of memorial. Part of me likes that idea, but then there's this other half of me which is saying "No! If you memorialise him you will make it true that he's really gone!". But, I think a nice flowering shrub or tree would be a beautiful emblem of his vitality. We have buried him now, which I thought would give me closure but it was so hard to believe that little body was him because it just... Wasn't. So, it still doesn't feel as though he's gone.

As Serendipity has said, the next hamster I get will be from a breeder. I cant help but think that whatever happened to Mushu could have been a result of poor breeding, and I do not want to contribute to a business which leads other hamsters to die in such a horrific way.

This is going to sound horrible. And I hate myself for even thinking it. I feel as though I am betraying Mushu's memory by admitting that, well, I might want another hamster. I know he/she could never replace Mushu and I wouldn't want that anyway. I've always waited months - or even years, between pets previously, but Mushu died so young. I feel as though I have "unfinished business" that I didn't get to see through with him. And, I think that having somebody to care for and love would help me to get through this. I don't want to go into specifics but I was ill for a long time and I still am living with complications from that. Mushu helped me see a light in the darkness but now he is gone and things seem even darker than before I got him. I needed him.

The SHC is having a show on the 17th of June and there will be hamsters for sale there. I am seriously considering going along, just for a look and possibly bringing a little furry friend home with me. Am I a horrible person for even contemplating the idea?

Also, if I did go to the show and find a hamster I liked, would I be able to reserve him/her for a few hours? My mum has to work that morning and obviously I wouldn't want to be taking the hamster home on public transport as I can't drive. And, would I need to take some sort of carry case with me?

[CMB]

i understand what you said about his body not being him. It!s more the personality and love between you both and especially the happy times you spent together that was Mushu.

Time heals. A new hamster won't replace Mushu Adopting adopting another hamster will be good. You can give one a good life, just as you did with Mushu. Sometimes I have got a new hamster soon after one passed other times I waited a long time.

You will know when you are able to get another. One day you will see a hamster and know it is the right time and hamster for you.

I took awhile to find my latest hamster, but as soon as I saw her I knew.

[AmityvilleHams]

This forum is definitely like one huge family :) You by no means seemed attention grabbing.It's very reasonable to feel as you've felt with any loss,especially such a terrible one.Sometimes,you can be your own worst enemy,and this ultimately leads to a lot of self hatred and in the end just makes it harder to let yourself heal(even though a full healing is impossible since the pain of a loss will remain).

You're definitely not a bad person.There's nothing wrong with wanting another furry friend,nor does it mean you're betraying Mushu in any way.Each and every creature is unique,and so there's no replacing anyone.In terms of timing,you just know when it is the right time and if it happens to be the right time sooner than expected that isn't necessarily bad.As long as you're comfortable with that decision and you know you can handle it,there's no reason why you shouldn't do so.

[Coco61]

AP, I went to the Andover show 2 years ago. It is a great little show. Not overwhelming at all. Fluffagrams will be there and I expect Vectis will go too. Breeders bring their babies along and will notify the show secretary in advance. I believe you can email and ask if there will be little ones for sale. For example if Tristar are bringing any from Bath - wow!
Yes you will need a carry case to bring the little one home. So if it is equipped with substrate, cucumber and a little food - perhaps some white toilet tissue with your scent on it torn into strips, then s/he will settle down inside quite happily. After all they will have come from home and not be in their old home tank.
Leave a post on the thread Fluffagrams has started on the show and I am sure she will give you all the correct information. Good luck. I am not certain if I can go this year. Anyway poor old Mocho is not in show condition any more.

[souffle]

Also, if I did go to the show and find a hamster I liked, would I be able to reserve him/her for a few hours? My mum has to work that morning and obviously I wouldn't want to be taking the hamster home on public transport as I can't drive. And, would I need to take some sort of carry case with me?

April pearl when you are ready your heart will know. Each hamster makes your heart grow bigger and when they pass there is room for them in there but also room for a new little one to share the love they once had.
If a little one calls to you at the show then you can buy it on the day and the breeder will provide a box (usually a large ice cream tub) or you can take your own and you can put your hamster in 'welfare' which is behind the show secretary and they will be looked after till your mum comes to collect you both. Maybe you can even enter in pets ;) You will know when you see them what to do and there is nothing wrong with deciding to wait till the next time if you don't feel ready x

[dreamtree1234]

AprilPearl, you are most certainly not an attention grabber so don't feel bad for letting us all be there for you when you need us most. We truly are your friends, and friends laugh with one another during the happy times and help each other through the most difficult of times. Please let us be there for you and don't ever, EVER feel guilty for wanting comfort from those who are so desperately trying to find a way to make things more bearable for you.

I think that a flowering shrub or tree will be a lovely way to pay your respects to your furry friend. As it blossoms and grows, it will give you a nice spot to come and feel closer to him.

Please don't ever question if you will be possibly betraying your sweet Mushu's memory by desiring to have another hammy to love and cherish. Whether or not you decide to have another hammy in your life now, someday, or never, Mushu could never be betrayed by someone so devoted as you just because you are trying to do what you have to in order to heal your broken heart in the best way possible for you. Only you can know what the right thing to do is and at what time to do it. Remember that Mushu had the most amazing life filled with infinite amounts of unconditional love, and he would want another sweet hammy to have the same luck and love as he had with you. I think that it would be one of the most beautiful tributes and ways to honor your love for him by finding the strength in your heart to let it be open to love another if you truly believe that you are ready to do so. You wouldn't be replacing Mushu in your heart; you would only be enlarging your heart to fit more room for another hammy who is in such need for your tender, loving caring. If, and only if, you are ready to do so, don't let the thought of hurting Mushu and his memory prevent you from going to the SHC show on the 17th and letting another hammy be the recipient of a wonderful forever home with one of the most loving hammy owners. I will definitely be wishing you tons of luck that one finds its way into your heart because I think that it could be the absolute best thing for you, your mum, and the little furball waiting out there especially for you. If you think that this is the right time, I would definitely be sure to take a carry case with you just in case. :)

I will also be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers that you are fully recovered and brought back to full health in the very near future. Sometimes having someone depending on you to care for and wake up for can be one of the greatest medicines of all. May you find your miracles and happiness. Hugs to you and your mum!

[AprilPearl]

Thank you CMB, Amity, Coco, Souffle. I think I will go to the show and if I am there and I think "no this isn't right" then I'll know I'm not ready for another ham. In that case, at least I will have had my first experience at a show seeing lots of lovely hamsters.

I think I will email and make an enquiry about whether there will be any babies at the show just in case.

[AprilPearl]

Oh thank you dreamtree. Reading your message did make me feel less guilty for having these thoughts. I am so glad that you don't think less of me for contemplating another fur baby.

Give your Eros a cuddle from me.

[dreamtree1234]

Don't every think that I could possibly think less of you. You are an amazing person, and I can tell that you have a pure and loving heart. Take care!

I definitely will give Eros cuddles from you. He sends plenty and plenty of whisker kisses and snuggles to you as well.

[flowerfairy]

I have lots of hamsters because i was ill for a while and hardly went out. I need animals around me and my little collection of hamsters have been wonderful for me.

I am sure you will know when the time is right to welcome another hamster into your (very caring) home.

Enjoy the show and take lots of pics!

[Pebbles82]

I felt the same April - I really wanted to get another hamster quite soon after Charlie died, even while we were still grieving for him. Not to replace him, but, as you say, you feel like you have unfinished business, and because it became part of my life having a hamster to look after. Plus they do give you so much. A week after Charlie died was too soon (I saw one in the local pet shop and really wanted to take her home, but I didn't feel quite ready). Two or three weeks later I wanted to find a rescue hamster - but decided to wait a bit longer for one of Souffle's babies :-)

[Drago]

It's good to hear you're feeling a slight better. We will all be here if anything changes or you need more support. Sometimes we all need a place to go to share just how heartbroken we are and receive tips and comfort from our friends- and that's precisely what you've done with this thread. I was really so shocked to read this, I couldn't believe what I had read, and I'd like you to know that Duncan, Kopi, and I have honored Mushu's death.

I created a thread a little while back which I called "the ham garden". I shared a story of where I bury my hams and what I do to honor them (this is also where I announced that my sweet baby Chance had passed on). Others shared what they did as well and it was really so beautiful hearing all the ways to tribute our little friends. I put off creating memorials with my hamsters, but I regretted putting it off as soon as I made them their tributes. It's like doing one last wonderful thing for them, one last way to say goodbye and send them over the rainbow bridge. Though I don't like losing my fuzzy family members, I like being able to honor them. I've planted some wild flowers in my ham garden and each spring, they grow. This reminds me of all the sweet little fur balls that were in my life. If you're ready, a flower, shrub, or any other sort of plant would be an excellent way to tribute Mushu.

Please do not feel guilty for wanting another hamster. That's perfectly normal! Some people do not want another, while others need one right away to be there for them to help manage grief. You need to do what is going to make you happiest, no matter how you think it may be perceived. Mushu would never feel you are betraying him, in fact, he'd want you to open your heart to another little one whenever you were ready. To give them a life just as wonderful as his. A breeder would be a good place to go. They just tend to be healthier, longer lived, and more tame. Whatever you decide, please feel happy and proud of your decision.

Hope you're hanging in there, so sorry again X

[Pebbles82]

I also think, in a couple of weeks, you just feel that they have moved on and feel a bit more peaceful xxx I had actually wanted to get another hamster when we still had Charlie - sounds selfish, but so if he died we would still have a hammy to care for. But by the time he was old I thought he might not like us having another hamster. My Sister did that with dogs. Her dog is very old and having lost a few pets before, she decided to get a new puppy so they have two dogs and still have the puppy to look after and love when their old dog goes. It's not selfish really, it's recognising that we have needs and have to cope as well.

[Drago]

I also think, in a couple of weeks, you just feel that they have moved on and feel a bit more peaceful xxx I had actually wanted to get another hamster when we still had Charlie - sounds selfish, but so if he died we would still have a hammy to care for. But by the time he was old I thought he might not like us having another hamster. My Sister did that with dogs. Her dog is very old and having lost a few pets before, she decided to get a new puppy so they have two dogs and still have the puppy to look after and love when their old dog goes. It's not selfish really, it's recognising that we have needs and have to cope as well.

Honestly, I don't think that this is selfish to be honest. I think that it makes total sense to have another ham so you'll have a support when one passes. I have recommended this to a friend of mine who has a 2.5 yr old ham to help them with his passing which will inevitably come (though I hope not soon). I can say from experience, it's tough losing your only animal. When I lost my 17 year old dog (though a family dog in actuality) it was horribly sad and lonesome not having another. I had debated getting another but decided against it, feeling as though I'd be replacing him. Getting a new puppy four months ago, was the best decision ever and I regret not having a puppy to keep me busy during that time of grief.

In the end AP, you need to do whatever your heart truly desires, not what your head reasons X

[chesca_27]

April Pearl I've only just logged onto the forum now and seen the news. I'm devastated. He was so cute and so young. It was certainly not your fault, but when we lose a pet, we always blame ourselves. I'm so sorry for your loss and it has always been obvious how much you love Mushu.

Some kind of memorial might be therapeutic to help you grieve. I managed to get a beautiful, personalised pebble to put over Toffee's grave and I love how it looks. It blends in well with the landscape. A couple of weekends ago I planted some pretty red flowers around his grave (I wanted orange to match his fur, but couldn't find anything) which has really helped me as I feel like I am honouring him and letting the world know that I will never forget my pets, no matter how small.

When I lost my beautiful Toffee (my piggie) last October, I found Oreo (his companion) to be the only thing that helped me grieve so considering another hamster is never selfish. You can give another hamster a wonderful life, which I'm sure a Mushu would want. The Andover show sounds like an excellent place to get another hamster. I may be attending, but I need to confirm it with my parents first. Also, everyone grieves differently so one person may feel the need to get another hamster quickly as they need a focus, whereas other take longer to feel ready. There's nothing wrong with grieving either way.

[SKB_Hamsters]

I am so sorry to hear this AprilPearl. I was very shocked and deeply saddened when I read this thread. My condolences are with you during this difficult time.
This wasn't your fault, so don't blame yourself! You gave Mushu the best life he could have ever wished for - he was extremely lucky to have a wonderful loving and caring owner who spoilt him with so many lovely things and gave him endless amount of love. I'm sure he deeply grateful for sharing his life with you even though it was short. Take comfort in remembering all the good memories of Mushu - like that beautiful photo of him!

A similar thing happened to my Cookie when she was older - one minute she was fine the next I saw blood although recieving vet treatment her health quickly declined and I decided to have her pts. So I can relate to how you are feeling but try to take comfort in knowing Mushu will forever remain in your heart.

Also you are not a horrible person for contemplating getting a new hamster - I find that you will know when you are ready or not! What ever you decide you will know what is best for you and Mushu will want you to be happy. Also Mushu and as well as all of us know that you are a wonderful loving caring hamster mum! I have myself gotten a new hamster soon after my previous hamster passing when other times I couldn't bare the thought of a new hamster and waited longer until I ready and felt a connection with one.

We will all miss your very special fluffy Mushu! Rest in Peace and Play well at the bridge!

[Cinnamon Bear]

Time heals all wounds, they say at least, who knows if it's true of not? Hope that you will heal in time and adopt another hammy. I hope you feel better and know that Mushu is running well at the bridge and would want you to be happy and not sad. Happy that you gave him the best life possible. That's the last thing he would want for you is to give up on hamsters all together. But of course whatever you decided HC will always be there for you. Hugs XX

[AprilPearl]

Thank you everybody. Once again, you've really made me feel better. I guess all situations are different and whatever I decide won't take away the fact that I loved Mushu and I still do. I'll never forget him, but I don't feel ready to be hamster-less yet. I actually feel less ready, having lost him, because Mushu helped me to cope with negative things. But, I don't know how I am going to feel on the 17th.

I'd started making a photo album of Mushu's pictures. I am going to finish that, find him a nice plant to go over his grave. And then, hopefully, I will feel that he is at peace and I can remember the good times instead of dwelling on how he was taken so cruelly soon.

[Pebbles82]

Big hugs. I put some bulbs in Charlie's little flower bed so they grow every year. Snowdrops and hyacinths, plus some primroses and a couple of other plants, but I had originally planned to put an evergreen shrub in - something that would be there all year round. I had to change that plan when I found our main water pipe ran nearby and a shrub's roots could wreck it! A rose is another option :-) I also put a bird table over it to make sure it couldn't be dug at by other animals. A heavy stone does the same thing.

[AprilPearl]

Serendipity Charlie’s grave sounds perfect. Mushu is next to my guinea pig (rest in peace, Marley) who has a yellow rose bush over him which reminds me of him in a nice way every time it flowers. So, I definitely want something for Mushu too. I think I will go to the local garden centre this weekend and have a look. It hurts to be doing these things, but it also helps me to feel I am still doing something for him.

Mushu has several heavy stones over him to prevent animals getting at him. I will never forget when a fox dug up my brother’s hamster :( it was awful.

[BorisPasha]

Hope you're doing ok AP :) I've just been catching up with things since I was last on yesterday morning.

As others have said it's not terrible to get another hamster. There is no right or wrong thing to do when it comes to grief, you can only do what feels right in your heart :) I think it sounds good that you're going to go to the show on the 17th, even if you don't come home with a new little one it will be nice to see lots of different hamsters as they have a great way of making you smile even when you feel sad. You'll know what feels right for you as far as bringing a new ham home when you're there. Either way just remember that Mushu will want you to be happy.

We're all here for you any time you need us or want to talk, it's important to not bottle things up xx

[AprilPearl]

Thank you BP. I couldn’t have asked for a kinder response here and I really appreciate it. I’ve got a bit of time to think things over before the 17th, but whateve happens I will never forget Mushu and I am so glad that you coudl have known him. Even though he was not with me for long, I would never regret the time we had together. As my mum keeps saying: “it’s better to have lived and lost than never to have loved at all” and “only the good die young”.

[BorisPasha]

That's so true AP, your Mum is a very wise woman :)

[dreamtree1234]

AprilPearl, listen to your heart and don't feel pressured in any way to get or not get a hammy on the 17th. Just enjoy meeting lovely folks and being surrounded by lots of gorgeous hammies. Let your heart guide you on that day and be happy and reassured that whatever choice you make will be what is best for you at that moment. That is all that Mushu or anyone who cares for you would want. I am so glad that you are going to have some sort of memorial plant to mark Mushu's grave and that he is buried near your other beloved pet Marley. RIP, Marley and Mushu! I know it must give you some comfort to know that they will be together and be remembered with a lovely plant each. Your mum's words sum it up perfectly. She speaks with such love and experience. You are truly a very lucky girl, AprilPearl, because you have her words of wisdom and comfort to help you through any of life's challenges. Take care and know that we are here for you, too! :)

[Hamsterita]

I'm glad that you're feeling better. I'm sure that a memorial will help you even more. Listen to your mother, she sounds like a very smart person. You shouldn't be worried for what other people will say about you getting a new ham. As long as you can provide him a good life (that I'm sure that you would do it, as you did with Mushu) it doesn't matter what other people say, nobody can define what's too soon. You know that Mushu is irrepleceable but If getting another hamster right now helps you to cope with his lost go for it! I think that the idea of going to the show is great. Whatever you decide you deserve to be happy.

[Millie]

Oh no.. I am so so sorry for your loss :( Please don't feel any guilt towards the idea of getting another hamster, some people grieve in many different ways. I know personally I like to do it whilst bonding with a new furry friend. Do whatever feels right for you :) Mushu was a gorgeous little boy who will never be forgotten, I hope he rests in peace ❤️ xx

[Golden_Syrian_Hammmies]

Awh April I am sooooo sorry to hear this :( I was in work and checked my emails as I got the notification through. I am shocked and very sad for you. I just want to say like everyone has already please please please don't beat yourself up over this or your mum. When I read what happened I knew instantly that it sounds to be internal and as a result of his genetical makeup. It would have been not as a result of anything either of you had done. He was such a beautiful boy and it's very sad he died so young and in this way. I am so gutted for you and your mum. He was very much loved and he would have known that. You are grieving and that is very normal he meant so very much to you and it will take time. Comfort yourself in that you loved him and gave him a good home for his short life and what happened was more than likely an underlying health problem.
Please don't feel guilty about thinking about giving another little hammy a good home. And it doesn't take away from what you had with mushu. I know when Fudge eventually passes on I will be very sad but I know that I will be looking for another Syrian to give a good home even though I have my dwarf Alfie too. So don't feel bad and it is in no way a slight to their memory. Just give yourself time. Glad you will go for a breeder ham if you do as they are a totally different kettle of fish compared with pet shop hams as they have been bred with health in mind. Enjoy the show on the 17th! You will love it and if a little one catches your eye and heart go for it :) x

[Rads]

Hi AP,
Pip and I are so sorry for your loss of Mushu, I trust that he will be having Mushu havoc where ever he is now.
Do not blame your self in any way shape or form, He could have quite easily have had a haemorrhage that you could do nothing about.
I do not think that your Mom caused any harm, Hammies are rather tough little critters, Pip has launched herself into mid air before and landed a meter down on the floor with no ill effects..!
Get another Hammie, give him or her a loving home, that is what we did with Pip after our beloved Forrest was PTS due to illness, Forrest is buried in our garden with a Rosemary bush above him.
Each Hammie has their own character they are never the same, they bring smiles and love even as they have such a short time with us, read the little poem at the bottom of my posts, I think it says it all
Our thoughts go with you, Pip sends you a little Hammie Hug and a whisker kiss or two.

[Thin Lizzy]

AprilPearl, you are not selfish for thinking about getting another ham, I meant what I said when I sent you a pm, you have a heart of gold, a heart of love and kindness. We all felt your love for Mushu and you have so much love to offer another ham.
Go to the show and should you see a ham then go with your heart, no one's going to judge you here, we have all been there, it's heartbreaking losing our furries and someone once said to me that I should get a pet with a longer life span, that was after my first hamster 16 years ago. I love hamsters, yes they don't have a long life but they give so much love and joy, every hamster is different that's what makes them extra special. Since joining HC in 2014, I've learnt so much, met wonderful people, been given such great advice, I've lost a couple of hams since joining and it's everyone here who got me through it and I'm so grateful.
Also, I can come on here and talk hamsters, ramble on about Master Harvey and not be judged for being a crazy hamster woman lol!
Big Hugs XXX

[AprilPearl]

Thank you dreamtree, Hamsterita, Millie, Golden_Syrian_Hammies, Rads, ThinLizzy.

Rads I agree with you. My Mum has as many years of experience with hamsters as I do and she knows how to handle them. I really don't see how there is any way she could have caused this. Of course, because it happened on her watch she feels horribly guilty, but I've told her to stop blaming herself. She loved Mushu too and has been crying buckets with me. Give Pip a hug from me.

ThinLizzy I have to thank you again for your private messages. They helped me vent a lot of feelings. I am so grateful to you for sharing your perspective in this. I really value it. P.S. There is no shame in being a crazy hamster lady! I earned that monicker years ago when I wouldn't shut up about my first hamster at school. If only I had known about that forum then...

[emojimom]

Oh no! I am so very sorry to come across this thread. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[AprilPearl]

Thank you emojimum. Sorry you had to come across it too :(

[AprilPearl]

I don't even know what's wrong with me. I just implusively spent a stupid amount of money yesterday evening buying stuff to do up Mushu's new cage. And when I say a stupid amount... I mean a stupid amount. Then crying because I know he's gone and buying him things won't change that. I knew it was ridiculous and I should stop at the time, but in the moment it made me feel better to be able to pretend nothing had changed. For some reason, I desperately want to complete my plans for the cage. As though I owe it to him. Maybe I'm just in denial. Actually, I know I'm in denial. I just have this mental block where I will not think about him being dead. It's so weird. I only had him 2 months but I keep catching myself thinking: "Mushu will be awake now" or "time to give Mushu breakfast" and every time I pass his room "Oh no! The door is open! What if a cat gets in!!"

[AmityvilleHams]

It's very hard to get past that denial part of mourning,but it's certainly possible.You'll know when though,not anyone else.I think many people have felt that way,I certainly have many times over.

Perhaps you feel that things have been left unfinished other than just cage plans and this may simply be a very unique way for your brain and heart to tell you so,even if it isn't a way you'd like to be told.There are so many different reasons that people feel this way,so it really is once again something you must figure out yourself.

No matter what,just remember that nothing is wrong with you.Mourning is completely normal,and not something you should ever feel bad for :)

[Golden_Syrian_Hammmies]

It's still very raw and the shock of it as you never expected it to happen and were not prepared for it. It's hard. With hamsters they could potentially go at any time and cancer is even so common for them too. You will feel a void and that's completely normal. It's horrible as they become so much part of your every day and you miss them. Im so sorry for you that mushu never got to enjoy his new home :( but if it helps with the healing and occupies you giving you something positive to do around the situation you should make up the cage and play about with it designing it how you like. It will make a lovely new home for the time whenever you are ready. As others have said hamsters live auch a short time but they are wonderful little creatures. I've had many in my life time when I was a teenager and they still are in my memory especially pebbles and 'hammy' who lived a very long time and I was devasted when I had him PTS. After him that was the end of hammies for 10 years until August 2015 and I decided I wanted to experience owning and loving a hamster again. I don't know how I went so long without a little furry butt! I hope you are feeling better soon and your mum too. Look after yourself and don't leave HC! :) x

[AprilPearl]

Amity & Golden_Syrian_Hammies I’m glad you don’t think I am going completely mad... I looked up “grief spending” and turns out it’s a real thing. I don’t think that is what I am doing, though, because what I bought is all very specific. Whenever I do get another hamster, it will be used.

I cleared out all of Mushu’s food and treats today. That was tough, because it reminded me that he never got to finish them. But, it’s done now.

I’m getting the pictures I never managed to print printed too. They will go in the album I begun. One day, I will be able to look back on them and be happy.

I am throwing out everything he ever used. His wheel, toys, even opened substrate packs, treats and food. I know that he is unlikely to have died from a disease because he was so well literally up until seconds before he died and I had been weighing him and doing a health check weekly which had shown no gradual deterioration or anything. But, I’m still petrified of anything like that happening again. Just in case I do get another hamster, I am getting a new silent runner, bowl, hideout, toys, chews, substrate, treats, playpen, food etc - and obviously there is already the new cage that Mushu never got to use. I just cannot and will not risk another hamster somehow catching any bug which (however unlikely) could have caused Mushu’s death. I would rather go over the top and be safe rather than re use all Mushus things and be sorry for it. Maybe I am being neurotic, but the way Mushu passed was just so awful and I still feel traumatised by it.

[Pebbles82]

I think it's all perfectly normal April. Throwing things away helps with painful reminders as well. I did some of that, but I kept ceramic things and some plastic things, that could be washed, and Newtie is enjoying them now.

I struggled with the grief for a bit and started this thread which has some useful links that help you deal with it - especially the link from Souffle to the Blue Cross Bereavement Service. I also went through a strange phase where I ordered lots of things for a new cage (I thought for a new hammie I was planning) but then kept forgetting I wasn't doing it for Charlie. It's just your brain adjusting :-) I ended up using most of them, I just kept forgetting why I was doing it. The good thing is I had everything ready and prepared when I got the next hamster, and had plenty of time to freeze food and other items before using them. Be careful with the spending though :-) You can always send some things back if you change your mind. These articles really helped me process things.

http://www.hamstercentral.com/community/memorials/68859-pet-loss-where-find-help-tips-comfort-loss-pet.html

[AprilPearl]

Serendipity thank you. Glad it’s not just me to suddenly go all shopaholic. With the ceramic and plastic things, I do know they can be washed - but I worry that wouldn’t be enough (no, I am not usually OCD by the way!). Theres part of me which feels as though if, next time, I am even even even more careful than I was with Mushu (which is going to be a challenge) I can prevent anything bad happening.

The Blue Cross sound like a wonderful resource and I will take a look. Thank you for the link.

[Golden_Syrian_Hammmies]

No none of us think that here about you. I was just thinking earlier you had mushu the same length of time I've had Alfie and honest it feels like I've had him much longer like I've always had him. Can I suggest that you don't throw out your silent runner? All it needs is a real good disinfect and I know you can't be sure of what mushu died from but I would doubt it was from any bacteria or unclean cage conditions or bugs. The same goes for unused substrate if you had it well packed and closed so that nothing could get in then I wouldn't throw it out, same goes for wooden things that mushu hasn't chewed and you have plastikoted can just be given a real good clean. Also for food if it's in date hasn't been contaminated by anything and is in an airtight bag or container I would keep it. I'm only saying because it seems such a waste and will save you money also :) I know you are afraid of it happening again but please don't be. There was nothing you could have done any differently to prevent it and you gave him the best of care possible. You certainly did not let him down even by not being there when it happened. Keep your chin up, time will heal, think positive and hope for the good things ahead. Awh please don't be paranoid about your future hammie as that won't help you live your life always being in fear. Sometimes no matter what we do they can fall sick and die. Don't be hard on yourself over this. In the end all our beloved hammies have to leave us.

[SKB_Hamsters]

I can relate to how your are feeling right now - I felt the same way after my girls had passed. I find it extremely difficult realising they were now longer with me - I too kept thinking I must feed them, get them out for playtime etc and then sorting through their things was an emotional challenge. Also I to wanted to throw everything away due to the worry that that toys could make my next hammy ill - especially after Toffee passing form wet tail. Although I like to keep my girls favourite toys and chews and store them in airtight bags/boxes not to use them again but as a way to remember each of their likes. I always find it lovely looking back at as it help me to remember wonderful thing about them.
I normally throw away most wooden items and items in which I can easily buy a replacement. But I keep all plastic and ceramic item although I have throughly sanitised them numerous times. Initially the thought of using Sherbet DIY house and wheel for Pumpkin was impossible to consider as I was worried that they might too also have bugs on them and could make Pumpkin ill - I lost count how many times I cleaned them but when I felt ready and satisfied they were clean I gave them to Pumpkin and the joy I had seeing her enjoying them was really satisfying and helped my heart to heal from Sherbet. Even if you don't decided you would want to use them again yourself you also have the option to sell them or donate them if you want.
The idea of the photo album sounds lovely - I really like looking though my photo of my hamster wherever I'm missing them as it bring back so many wonderful memories.
I also do a lot of hamster shopping in preparation for a new arrival - last September I spent around $100 when I was on holiday in Florida getting lots of new toys and chews for my new hamster - even though at the time I didn't know what Pumpkin would have liked but bought chews. It was emotional thinking these items weren't for Sherbet but I bought items I knew she would have loved as well as my past girls.

[Pebbles82]

With the ceramic and plastic things, it can be good to delay the decision :-) I just cleaned mine with vinegar and rinsed them, and then I put them away in a cupboard. Later they don't have the same associations. I didn't know if I would use them again. But a wheel is worth keeping as GSH says. I did clean that a bit more thoroughly - twice. Newtie is using it now and didn't find it smelled of another hamster I am sure. Some things seemed very much Charlie's - a ceramic salt pig eg - but I got it out the other day to put in the playpen and Newtie loves it - because it's round and cool :-) And you feel differently later. You might have a moment of remembering but then it goes. So I'd suggest binning anything like wood items you don't want to keep, but just washing the plastic and ceramic things and store them away somewhere in case you wish you had them another time. Fairy liquid and water is fine really. And after being stored away for a while then naturally any bugs will be long gone. The items have sort of been in quarantine.

Sometimes it's too upsetting to do it too soon. Some things I just bunged in a carrier bag out of sight and cleaned them when I was ready.

[AprilPearl]

GSH, SKB, Serendipity: You're probably right. I won't throw out the silent runner or things which can be cleaned... But I think I may leave them in a cupboard for a while (after thoroughly washing them) so that they can decontaminate if necessary. I did actually bury a number of Mushu's favourite wooden toys and a whimzee with him anyway, because I couldn't bear to leave him all alone.

I went to squires this afternoon to see if I could find a plant to put over Mushu, but when I was there it just didn't feel right. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just not ready to accept he's gone by marking his grave. I think in a few weeks though, I'll feel differently.

I don't know whether I will be getting another hamster imminently. But, even if I don't for a while, I think that fixing up the Savic plaza isn't such a bad thing to do as it will be used one day.

[Pebbles82]

I think you can have good and bad days with these things. One day it will feel good to fix up a cage or buy a plant, another it won't so just go with the flow xxx

[AprilPearl]

Thanks Serendipity, for all your wise words. You've really helped xx