The Hamster's family
10-20-2012, 06:27 PM
As some of you may know, my Bebe was pts yesterday in the afternoon. This is her memorial, as I would like something to be said about her and a lesson for some others to learn from her story... Her life has moved me spiritualy and emotionaly and I cannot give her back what she has given me the 24 hours before her deliverance to the bridge... Hope it does the same thing to your soul and you change, if needed, the way you see animals and 'Life' with a big L... Here it is...
Bebe came to us one night as we had to stop in an empty land near an highway know to be the home of some vicious animal pretadors. A full grown female came to us, begging for food, water, affection and security. She was chasing our 2 oldest, rubbing herself agains them and I suspected she was from a domestical environment and was crualy dompted there since the moving rush wasn't far behind us. We picked her up and took her with us in the car. She right away snuggled up between the 2 oldest and purred all the way to Trois-Rivières (35 minutes) where we wanted to leave her at the animal shelter. It was closed so she made the distance back home, after my lover stopped by the store to get her water and something to eat. The next morning, after she wouldn't sleep anywhere else but the end of our bed, we discovered she had a onset of milk. We knew there were more to that story than a trown out cat...
We went back to the spot hoping it wasn't too late for the kittens. We managed to get one, missed the second one and left some food and fresh water for the other, hoping that the kitten would eat it without attracting any pretador... While doing that, the 2 oldest were looking around and further to see if they could find/grab the kitten... when Bebe got out, walking towards them. So we went home with those two.
I soon noticed that the 2 kittens weren't from the same litter and that the smallest was directly related to Chloe, the name the two oldest gave her. I also noticed that Bebe was weak, in desperate need of a non-humid environment, begging to be held and starving... She was also limping from the rear left paw. I've put her on my special diet which consist of Science Diet for kitten, salmon and treats. She ate, in pain, from not eting for few days... Then it took two days to grab the last one we managed to find. My lover felt like there weren't anymore kitten to be found, I felt there was one that wasn't found. We went back every day for an entire week, left some food, but never found or seen any more kittens. We treated them with vermifuges, love and affection. They all got better and we found a home for the two kittens and for Chloe. But I couldn't let Bebe go far away from me... I felt bounded to her, she was always around me and the kids...
The kids were very attached to her since she would play with them, go up and down the stairs to the different levels of the house and ask and beg to be put in the carridge they used for their dolls and to be driven around the house like a real baby, which as led me to call her Bebe (or Baby for you all, english people !) She would go threw a mini-depression for 1-2 days when my lover's daughters would leave for the week and we had to take real good care of her until their return : she had found love, security, respect, cares... She had found a HOME.
Living with her was a blessing ; kisses, snuggles, welcoming me from my days at work, feeling when I was sadder and hurt, play time and pure joy and hapinness with the entire family... Then we moved to another house... and she remained the same, only more of affection... like it remembered her that last time her humans moved from her home, they dompted her outside to die aong with her mates... SHe became more and more affectionate, playfull and happy ! What she had was a forver home, till death to us apart... She would grab my pants if i walked beside her without taking the time to pet her, would throw herself on her back in the middle of the kitchen when I was cooking and she would 'talk to me', her own way. She followed me in every room of the house and watch me clean the basement and would sleep in our bedroom every night. She was the most faithfull cat I could have dreamed of... She was MY cat and made me feel loved so much, I cannot describe it... She love to go in the car and would watch me leave the house in the window and would be there waiting for me at the end of the day, knowing what time I was getting back home... She was absolutly amazing.
When she started vomitting, I assumed she had ingested something she wasn't digesting properly and I managed to get her back in shape. But this was just temporary... She was in bad shape for 2-3 days... I was at the point of calling the vet, but she fully recovered. She was still very affectionate. She started going downhill about 2 weeks after.
More vomitting was on the way and everything went kinda quicker that time. She didn't eat a lot on saturday and nothing on sunday. She was poorly sunday night and was dragging her rear paws behind her. Her head was shaky and she was vomitting more... I took her the vet on monday and I was giving her IV fluids to keep her hydrated. She kept going downhill and blood tests were done on wednesday. Everything was fine on thursday night... everything but her. I managed to find the money to have her operated since the vet suspected an occlusion. So X-Rays were taken friday morning in emergency and the result just hit me in the heart : her diaphragm was ripped off and her organs were not where they were supposed to be anymore... Which could have caused her to be tiny, to not get energies from the food (which she was refusing) and she could not evacuate, most probably cause her intestins were all mixed up. I knew then I had no choice but to prepare to say good bye...
Her last 24 hours with me were... magic... On thursday night, I gave her an anti-acid so she would stop vomitting from not eating. Instead of hiding in our bedroom, she stayed with us in the living room and even came to rest with me on the top of the couch, something she hadn't done in a while. NEVER did she bit me, even if I had to do 2 injections 4 times a day... Not once did she hurt me, even if I had to feed her threw a seringe... She was purring for me when I was taking care of her, like to say Thank you for loving me while I'm sick... She was feeling love and I'll never thank myself enough for allowing her to feel this way... I was hoping to save her; she knew it was too late.
She took all the energy she had left to thank me, to make me feel special, probably as special as she felt from the love I had shown her since she was with me. I felt blessed has a soothing feeling and vibe came across the house, our loving HOME. That's when everything started to get magical... I found myself not being able to sleep that night, scared but hopefull for something great to happen to next morning. I was asking myself what she would want me to do if she would have to pass... I wondered if burring her in the place we found her would be great and said no rapidly as it was full of bad memories... Then I though of the 1st house that we were in with her (we still own it) and started to ask for an answer... I felt her energy surround me and I saw her face, looking at me straith in the eyes, fully healthy, and then I saw her in panic, not wanting to be there, feeling lonely ans scared... Then I saw our HOME... and felt the love we have here and I felt her feeling at peace, slowly and then fully... I knew that if she passed, she would come back HOME with me... I then asked her for a sign on when would be THE moment to let her go, if that was the case... I was terrified about having to choose...
When in the car ( a 45 minutes drive) we went straight to the vet. She loved so much to be in the car. But that morning, before leaving, I saw our little grey baby cuddled up with her... She knew... I started feelling my day would end the way I was hoping for... She then climbed between the two seats and started to do her nails on my seat... I've let her do it. She then climb on me, as I was driving and looked at the road that we spent an entire week go throw morning and night. I looked for few seconds outside, has there is a little place that is just great to watch; she turned her head to watch with me... I felt we were togeter... as one soul, understanding each otherwithout talking... There was this nice and peacefull music playing, she cuddled up with me without causing me any difficulties to drive. She started purring... I felt loved... loved immensily, no matter what, unconditionnaly, for ever in her heart and mind... I will NEVER forget this moment... NEVER. She was nice with the vet and her assistant, never clawed or anything. Then the verdict came, I cried, felt that happyness was gone for ever. I asked to bring her with me for the final hours...
We went to my work place, like we did all week and I've let her go where ever she wanted. She layed down infront of the giant window and looked outside. I cried everything that I had in me watching her go, slowly. I've taken her in my arms, pet her, told her how much I loved her and how much of a privilege it has beeing to share our lifes togeter. She purred on me some more, and then asked to go down, since she wasnt confortable. When my lover came to the office, I was telling out loud how much of a great cat she was and how much joy and love she had brought me. She then stood up, when in her litter, peed a little and then put some little on top of the pee and looked at us. I hadn't seen her do it all week long... There was that special energy in my office, something I cannot decribe into words and can't even try since I have just burst into tears. I will continue and let everything on this page. I've put some water in her mouth cause she was deshydrated and she licked it. I then saw a little bit of blood, very little, nothing to scare, but enough to be obvious. I knew it was ok to bring her to the bridge in the afternoon. I called the vet. It looks like the water made her feel better. My other half left for an apointment and we agreed on meeting back at the vet. I printed the poem "The Raybow Bridge" and I've read her several times. I told her was I was gonna do and why and told her that she was going to that wonderfull place with no pain, no illness, no thirst, no hunger... Cause I know that's how she was feeling. I told her I was gonna take her back to the horrible place we found each other and that I would turn this place in a positive memory for her so she leaves this world in peace. I then asked if she loved me, how to know ? Then I took her to the first home we were in. We were listening to this great song by Inna Modja "You love me" and I got my answer... I felt her and me being togeter, feeling each other. Not once she tried to get down. NOT ONCE. I've put the song on repeat. And we drove, togeter, slowly, in a state of love beyond race, kind, colour, beliefs. I felt her love towards me, she was in peace to go to the Bridge by my hand and I was in peace to bring her there. Once at the vet, we stayed there for some time, reading the Rainbow Bridge and I told her it was the last time I was reading it for her. She looked at me the entire time, eye to eye, not moving, my stearing-wheel holding her. She looked at me, never looked or moved to the noises made by cars. I told her what was gonna happen and what I would do after. I told her she was coming back HOME with me and that she would stay with me even after. She purred. Then we listened one last time to OUR song, and we left the car.
Once in the vet, they took her to install an IV cause "it" would be done by injection. I stayed with her for a long time, talking to her, thanking her for everything. She purred soo much, looking with her head for affection. I gave her all she needed. Then they gave her something to calm her and make her really relaxed. Then we waited... I kept talking to her, making her feel secure and in peace. Once calm and relaxed, I wrapped her in her blanket and rocked her like a newborn. Singing softly OUR song. She felt sooo tiny and delicate. I felt like she was meant to be called Bebe. I kept gently rocking her, she received the second injection and she cuddled up with me. I kept rocking her, pulling her closer to me has she was slowly leaving for the Bridge. My fiance and I felt her surrounding us in the room and felt this sooooo gentle and warmth embrasse that filled up the entire space of the room. He looked at me and said she is there and she is in peace. She's not suffering now. I kept her in my arms. I told her that this place she was in was the Bridge. That I wanted her to have fun, to fly away from the pain and I repeated that she was coming back with me at HOME. I felt her soul leave, for good as she trembled a little. My fiance then said that she was really gone because he saw her tail go down as it was still a bit high although the vet said she had passed already. I had no clue about her tail, I just felt like I still needed to talk to her, to keep walking towards the Bridge with her. Then the vet came in, I said I needed time before leaving the room. She left, respectingly. Then we left the room.
I left in my car, my fiance in his. I kept listening to Our song and kept telling her I was holding my promise of bringing her HOME with me, like she had asked me the night before. I felt a warm feeling envelopping me and I knew it was her. I got a picture of a very lady-like young lady in my head and she sent me the most soothing gratitude feeling I ever felt. Something The lady had a gentle smile, not the one you have when your all happy, but the one that comes from a Divine power with a better understanding of what Love is, not between races, sexes, colours, kinds... Just Divine kind of love... I looked at her, smiled threw my tears and said thank you for this gift that I would never be able to either forget or give back, to her. I cried sofly, never felt in danger driving even if it was raining. I felt protected, guided and Blessed from something I cannot name.
We got HOME, came in and I rocked her somemore, telling her we where there, her last place to be. I told her she could play in the back yard or come play in the house. My other half digged and I wrote a little memorial to put on her box, on the sheet i had printed and read her the Rainbow Bridge. She is now burried in her forever HOME I still feel like I'm blessed by God or something to have experience that.
I hope her TRUE story touches you and makes you realise that animals do have feelings, do have a soul and should be respected from when they are brought this life until they leave it. Who ever you are, where ever you are, just know that hope of happynnes should never leave your soul and that somewhere there's someone guiding you, caring for you, and watching you over.
Bébé, you have teached me what little we are here and how powerfull love and life are. You have teached me to love myself has you and me were the same : unwanted, undesired, considered as problems instead of a living soul to love, abandonned but taken by someone great that showed us different, that showed us wrong. We are never undesired. That's why we got and are on the beautiful blue planet. Thank you for accepting to trust a human again, thank you for loving me, for sharing so much joy and bringing just as many ! I will never forget you and will never forget what you have showed me and made me feel. That was the most beautifull gift I had received and I thank you for making it reachable for me, little fearfull person that I am !
Play well at the Bridge, my dear friend and very beautifull little lady ! I love you !
Annie who loved you, loves you and will love you for ever...
silverliner
10-26-2012, 12:13 AM
I'm a little late, but I wish to say that I am sorry for your loss. Little Bebe was an amazing girl and it was destiny that she came to you, knowing you would give her more love than any human being has ever given her.
Darling Bebe, run happy and free; let your mommy know that you're always watching over her.
The Hamster's family
10-26-2012, 06:45 AM
I'm a little late, but I wish to say that I am sorry for your loss. Little Bebe was an amazing girl and it was destiny that she came to you, knowing you would give her more love than any human being has ever given her.
Darling Bebe, run happy and free; let your mommy know that you're always watching over her.
Thanks a lot Silverliner... Your words really touched me as I often feel like no one can share/understand my beliefs. I miss her sooo very much... =( Thank you for your kind words...
Sincerely,
Annie xxx
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