[RolyRocks]

I am absolutely heartbroken... my beautiful baby boy Roly passed away yesterday evening aged only 16 months. It was such a shock and I still cannot believe he has gone. What made things even harder was that I away for a few days and didn't get to spend his last few days with him.
I have no idea why this has happened. He appeared absolutely fine and was in very safe hands with my Dad looking after him. I left a list of instructions and spoke to my Dad everyday. On Tuesday morning my Dad said he hadn't eaten his food that night but I was very pleased to hear the next day the bowl was empty. He had his same treats and fresh veg but hadn't touched his corn cob which I had left for him. That was very odd as he loved his corn cobs as a treat.
When i got home late yesterday afternoon I saw his little head fast asleep by the open hole to his house. I did think this was a little different as he usually sleeps further in but i gently opened his lid to check on him and could see he was breathing so just thought he was in a deep sleep and didn't want to disturb him. Oh how I massively regret that now as when I checked on him later he was still in the same position and my little boy had gone. I just couldn't believe it, it was such a huge shock and I couldn't stop crying, still can't. I am struggling to write this as I am just completely devastated.
I wish with all my heart I had made sure he was properly ok when I first checked on him. The fact he didn't wake up when I opened the lid should have alerted me that something wasn't right. Why did I just assume he was in a deep sleep? He was definitely breathing but I assume he was probably unconscious at this point. I know there was probably nothing I could have done to save him (or was there?) but I could have held him in my arms and been with him when he died, he wouldn't have been alone. This breaks my heart to think that I let him down when he needed me the most.
I wish I hadn't gone away. I might have been able to pick up on any subtle changes which understandably my Dad wouldn't have as he didn't know Roly the way I did. I do know he was well looked after in his final days, I just wish I was the one to be there for him as he was my little Roly Poly and I loved him so very very much.
I have so many questions and 'what if's' going around in my head. Did he suffer, how long was he unconscious for, why did he die when he appeared so fit and healthy. I guess I will never know the answers but i can't help feeling guilt and regret and keep asking myself could I have saved him...
Before I go, I just wanted to tell you a little bit about my beloved Roly...
He was a beautiful fluffy grey boy who was so very gentle. He would take food out my hand by putting his tiny little paw on my finger and every so carefully taking the food, never once catching my finger. He had the most gorgeous cheeky little face that would always make me smile and the cutest little bum wiggle.
He was just such a joy to own and I feel so blessed to have had Roly in my life, I just wish it could have been for so much longer.

I love and miss you SO much little man, you have definitely left little hamster paw prints on my heart. Sweet dreams my special boy X