[Ria P]

Syrian hamsters aren't ungrateful animals at all but a lot of the toys they sell in pet shops are sold to make money and often of no use to a hamster.
You've mentioned pet safe bedding. Is that the fluffy cotton wool type which isn't safe for hamsters? What hamsters really like for bedding is plain white toilet paper torn into strips.

I would stop feeling guilty and listen to your hamsters more.

If Bear doesn't ask to come out then don't take him out and have a guilt free break. Or only take him out for a clap and cuddle on your lap while you watch the telly. He may not want time in the playpen every evening.

If Febe hasn't come out to play by the time you want to go to bed then go to bed. Just leave her food out, change her water and let her enjoy her own company if that's what she wants that evening.

I have five hamsters and only one asks to come out of her cage two or three times a week. Two don't want to come out at all, one maybe once every two weeks and another i'm just taming so don't know about him yet.

Another thing you can do is keep checking Gumtree. I've recently got a Hamster Heaven for free and sometimes good cages come up very reasonably priced.