[jonesag]

I joined this forum to find some closure from other hamster owners. When I was in college I developed severe anxiety. Due to my living situation, I wasn't allowed to have any large animals to help me cope, so I opted on a small little dwarf hamster. She was dropped off at my local pet shop the day after Christmas because the kids didn't want her. So I took her in.

Her name was Smoosh. She was my adventure buddy. That's what I called her. I was told to be prepared because hamsters only live about 2-3 years. Well she would have been 4 in October.

We traveled everywhere together. She was a hamster that loved car rides and tortilla chips. If I was going to sleep over a friend's house, I brought her with me. We traveled up and down the east coast, visiting almost 10 states together. She was a firecracker of a personality. She gave me kisses on the nose and we'd have breakfast together every morning. She'd get a piece of fruit and I'd have my oatmeal.

When I moved across the country for grad school, she came with me and I could tell the years were catching up to her. She developed some arthritis in her hips and some small cataracts, but she was still as lively as ever, hobbling around the best she could. I started to prepare myself. She was just about 3 at that point so every day was a gift.

This morning, I found her very lethargic. She did not accept any of her favorite foods and only minimal amounts of water. But being my adventure buddy, she didn't want to be left alone and only wanted to sit in the warmth of my hand. I held her for 10 hours before I put her in her favorite strawberry hide and went to sleep, with her cage right beside my bed.

It's 4AM now. I found her about 2 hours ago with her little bum sticking out of one of her crawly tubes, as if she was trying to get one last hoorah out of her enclosure.

The hole in my heart is large and I feel hollow. I'm hoping to find some solace here, because I've never felt more alone. She wasn't just a hamster. She was my Smoosh.